instructions for the week

switch off your monitor on your computer. send 4 emails. switch the monitor back on and see what you sent (and to whom)

be the first to write a slightly surreal book about tea bags

my advice for life is to keep in touch with youth.
if you can’t stay young yourself then simply hang out with young people and avoid looking in the mirror. delusion is rarely an illusion.
here is a photo of the receptionists. they made me take the photo. hoorah for friday afternoons

avoid using the word spatula

they say that in an earthquake you should stand in a doorway.
here is a house which has fallen down and only the doorway arch remains.

certainly if you house is bulldosed then it appears the doorway concept works
interestingly, this house was at the centre of the Cat Conspiracy which i shall write about soon (ish)

this week, develop your own taxonomies. document them meticulously

rxplxcx vxwxls wxth thx lxttxr x xn xll xffxcxxl cxrrxspxndxncx

accept that your computer/pda/mobile phone knows how to spell better than you do. this is especially important for peoples names. computers know what you are thinking. understand this and you are halfway there.
always accept any spelling correction offered by your word processor / email package / writing recogniser. always use the first word offered.
tap in to your computer consciousness. just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

stand firm against any form of dragooning.

place a 10 pence coin (or equivalent in local currency) on your head. balance it there all day. keep it there until you forget about it. (purest will resist, but it is permissable to use adhesive).
repeat daily until mastered.
once mastered add another 10 pence coin. again, repeat until mastered.
and so on. until the coins reach 1 metre high (or £99.90 – keep below £100 for insurance reasons).
let me know how you get on.
[an interesting twist on this game is to use only coins which have been found lying in the street – this way the values, sizes and days when additional coins must be added is an additional variable to consider]
(based on an idea from the Fluxus movement)

be applauded for using your gumption at least twice this week

try to act “superfluously” every other hour.

everything is total nonsense. discuss

here is a good word. try to use it as often as possible this week:
pernicious
let me know how you get on.