January 2004

chicken threat

here is a scrap of paper i saw on the floor outside a restaurant where i had just eaten chicken. It says ‘hen you die’.

anti-gravity meat

a late office xmas lunch today at the place which sells gypsy’s arms. This time we had meat on a stick dangling from a fancy hook thing.
There aren’t that many vertical foods. kebabs are the only ones i can think of. i’m sure others can think of food which is served skyward.

office birth control

companies are a lot more interested in their employees welfare these days. not just at work, but at home too. they realise that a good home life is as important a motivator as a fat pay cheque.
they’ve obviously concluded that children aren’t part of this plan as they have provided some sterilising tablets for our consumption.
They have recently appeared next to our drinks machine, so possibly we have already been consuming them without realising it ? the proof – in the three weeks since i moved floor, no one from the office has got pregnant.

london: once a pine forest on a mountain

as you may know, london was, until the 1980s, a small village in a giant pine forest on a mountain. In the 80s they removed the trees, flattened the mountain, and moved various historic buildings from across the UK in to the newly formed city of London.
They even extended this concept to the london underground where the various different lines were brought from different towns and villages. This is why each of the lines has its own individual characteristics, and why so few other towns in the UK have their own underground transport. One engineer on the project said “it’s like extracting varicose veins and putting them back in someone else’s legs, but much more rewarding”
The idea was that a concentration of ancient and interesting buildings in a small area would encourage tourism as well as providing a nice backdrop for those working in the city.
Unfortunately, with progress, nature was destroyed. The pine forest and mountain seem like a distant dream. People who lived in London village just 25 years ago still resent the destruction of their quiet hamlet.
These people protest silently once a year by placing pine trees in the street outside their houses thus hindering pedestrian access.
here are just a few i spotted this morning:
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accident victim makes good

remember laura who cut her finger in a dramatic office accident incident ? well, apparently she’s going to appear on The Salon this evening on Channel 4 at 6pm.
She’s being sprayed orange. Will she mention the accident which nearly destroyed her receptioning career ?
not sure if i’ll get home in time to see it. if i don’t, please be my eyes and let me know what you see.
Laura did not appear on the program and refused to make an official comment.
Instead she said: “I think you should act as my spokesperson as i’m far to famous. Please explain that only Ade and Leo’s clients were featured as they are up for eviction this week.”
I can only apologise to anyone who had to sit through the program last night. If it’s any consolation, i know what you went through !

dismantling christmas

can’t be bothered to take your decorations off your tree ? just chuck it out in to the street like this tree:
it was obviously better decorated than this when it was first put out as there were baubles and tinsel all up the road. here are a few pictures (including one with my muddy boots)
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early start

it’s the first day back to work for most people so transport misery is guaranteed. so i decided to beat they system and get up at 5am instead of 6am and arrive at work an hour earlier at 7.10am, which meant arriving at paddington at 6.30. this idea was kezia’s. she helped me by shouting and crying from 4.30 thus preventing any further sleep from occuring.
getting IN to the office at that time proved more of a challenge than getting out of bed.

tree transport

here is a new transport idea which seems to be very popular (poplar?) this morning. it’s pine tree transport. i think the idea is you take your old christmas tree, ride it around london then park it outside your house.

see the stars

interesting site if you want to see some tv programs being made in the UK.
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even worse DIY

I know i’m bad at DIY and so do you because i told you. I was therefore heartened to see this attempt to hang a picture in the restaurant we went to this evening.
click the picture for a big version to see:
a) a rawl plug with no screw in it to the left of the hanging picture
b) a highly protruding screw in the right place to the left of the hanging picture, suggesting the hole and rawl plug were too small for the screw eventually used
c) the extra (painted) nail in the wall above the picture

last supper

we went out for a special family treat to a restaurant this evening to bring an end to the holidays.
here is kezia drinking some coke (or ‘coat’ as she calls it). the other photo is of esther and me. i’m trying to look as excited as i can, but esther isn’t convinced. luckily she’s seen me do this expression before and it no longer scares her.
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top tip for UK restaurant fans – if you are going to eat at a beefeater restaurant and you have kids (under 14 i think) you can get 20% off with a free saver card thing they do. but you have to register first. so pop in a few days before and fill in the form. that way you can use the saver-card on your visit (instead of having to wait until the next visit)

how do houses work ?

i’ve been trying to fill jane’s tax return in, but the inland revenue site is broken (nice plan) so i thought i’d do some DIY instead.
when it comes to DIY i am rubbish. totally.
my limit is a dripping tap. that’s just about doable i thought. just a matter of turning the water off, unscrewing the thing and cleaning the doofa and puttting it all back together.
so i went to our airing cupboard where i thought the stop cocks would be. and this is what i found was a load of pipes (note the absence of anything turny):
so i followed the pipes (some hot some cold) and found this under some floorboards:
i haven’t got a clue where anything goes, or what it supposed to do. it’s all too scarey. so i’ll put up with the dripping tap for a few more weeks until jane’s dad’s available to do it for me point me in the right direction
meanwhile brother edd is a few miles away rewiring someone’s house. either he got all the practical genes or the household he’s rewiring should be very scared.
erk – this has got to be my most boring blog entry to date. i apologise.
back to work tomorrow so normal mis-service will be resumed.

dark hide and seek

we had a great game of dark hide and seek this evening. after our guests had gone, we took it in turns to play hide and seek in the living room. the added fun part was that we turned off all the lights making the room completely dark.
we started off with the finders using a torch (always fun with kids), but then when that got too easy and our eyes got used to the dark we played it completely dark.
esther and kezia (and jane and I) loved it. a highly recommended game for anyone with a dark house (with or without kids)
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(artistic representation of our living room with the lights off – i am hiding under the table by the bean bag)

cat update

here is andrew, his finger and the cat. i’ve reread the instructions and this growth could go on for another month and probably hasn’t reached a peak yet. so, i plan to leave the daily updates for now and come back to it next weekend.
once the growth has finished i may move to an autoposy to extract the mouse.




we had a great squelchy puddly muddy walk this afternoon. both esther and katie fell in the mud which (luckily) they both found really funny.
get your wellies on and jump in some muddy puddles. don’t forget to climb a gate and have a ponder.
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my poor wife

it’s not been easy for jane having her husband at home for nearly two weeks.
looking after a 1 year old and a 4 year old is easy compared to a 31 year old. this truth is revealed in her weary looks.