watch out for moving objects. they are mostly everywhere so good general advice there. in fact, there's one top right of this picture.

this sign was lying in the middle of field face down so i turned it over to see what it is. fascinating

shorely sent me this sign of the obvious. if it hadn't been true it'd have been a let down.

u are missing. licensed to fill. i wonder if they really are.

yesterday i said i thought it was funny that someone put up a sign saying 'temporary sign'. and then i spotted this which i think is a legimate use of both the word temporary and permanent (in the same sign)

why would anyone go to the trouble of printing a sign that says temporary sign ? you might as well jump to the final version, or simply not tell anyone it's temporary. it's like all those 'under construction' websites in the 90s.

i await in eager anticip - ation for the permanent version (which i hope will have 'temporary sign' on it just to confuse us. or perhaps this is it already)

i like this sign. closing one hour after sunset is a nice idea and somehow slightly romantic.

i like to think the warden is there with his stopwatch, waiting for the sun to set.

if you've got nothing to say, say nothing. but i do like how there's been an extra bit of nothing stuck on (slightly to the side as there's not enough space on the main board)

please do not ... over expose photos ?

helen (on the right here) sent me this which she claims means no houses on skis.

we're due a cold winter this year which i'm actually quite looking forward to. i like a bit of cold (assuming i have a nice warm coat). (and hat).

i remember taking a picture of one of these signs back in november 2003. it seems the experiment continues.

although perhaps they should consider a 'sign casualty reduction signal timings experiment' as this sign is looking a bit worse for wear.

and wouldn't 'Pedestrian Casualty Reduction Signal Timings Experiment' make a great title for a prog rock album ?

levitate

swallowfield show signage awaiting deployment. i'm looking forward to seeing where the 'fishing in the field' signs goes.

most of my photos are taken on the way to or from meetings and other work activities. often i see things and simply don't have time to stick around and see how they pan out.

here's a good example. it's the set of an outside play called 'the hole job'

look at the fantastic sign in the background of this (you'll have to click to see properly):

here's the general set:

don't ask y(fronts):

the advert

i think you can get round this sign by leaving a singular object. you can avoid having your items removed and disposed of by attaching them to the railings with anything other than chain.

these people claim they are working hard to minimise disruption. they could cause less disruption by not working at all.

there's a graph in there somewhere.

your caring sharing council.

limited for, er, three years would that be ?

vin spotted this which is very good. wonky gifts a speciality.

i walked past these Turkish baths on the way to an art preview last week.

i love this sign. it's got a simple headline, and an equally explanatory sub heading.

then, for those who want to know, it explains in unexpected detail exactly why the Turkish bath is closed (click the picture for a readably sized one)

what's more it was produced by the local council !

i wasn't looking to have a Turkish bath, but i did feel refreshed by this sign.

if it wasn't we would be more worried (thanks to andrew for sending me this)

you have to love the person that went to the trouble of making and erecting this sign

were you looking for one of these ? if so, you can borrow this one.

you can't go this way:

you can't go that way:

and you can't go through the middle:

click for big

this is an extremely tall sign (even taller than this photo makes it out to be). i think it must be for low flying aircraft to tell them to fly a bit higher.

click for big (and self portrait)

notice - no musical instruments, no dogs, no soiled clothing ?

i hadn't noticed actually so i was glad they pointed it out to me.

NO BILL POSTERS WILL BE PRIOCUTED

which is good news. i think.

(thanks to telco-john for sending me this)

i'm a pedestrian. i think that makes me pretty low on the street hierarchy. cars, vans and cyclists seem not to care about us walkers.

and when was the last time you saw a 'foot path' rather than a 'cycle path'. oh. forget i said that last bit.

anyway, i was hearted to see this sign.

children keep off scaffolding

here are some instructions from Hydra sent to me by andrew. it's wonky english at its best.

click to read

i was impressed by this painter's attention to detail. he's got both 'painting in progress' and 'wet paint' signs.

i suspect he may also have 'painting about to start' and 'don't worry the paint is now dry' signs too.

i was disappointed to see this sign so i looked down the lift shaft to see what was going on:

i was glad i hadn't stepped in to the lift as there wasn't a floor:

so, it's one of those 'goods downwards quickly' lifts that we sometimes call 'a hole'.

click to inspect wording

the sign said "please don't put your feet on the seats".

perhaps this girl couldn't read (and the novel in her hand was just a ploy).

apologies for the wobbly photo. but this at least proves it was a genuine tube journey !

here is a photo from dan's camera phone. i suspect i shall be receiving plenty more of these such things from sunny california.

currently, it seems, children don't slow down. but they should. as advised by this sign.

on a rare political moment yesterday i talked to someone about politics and the impending general election in the UK.

the best i could offer was that whoever gets in to power could just declare a period of national 'chilling' where everyone would just 'chill' and relax for a few years.

it would be a kind of intnational sabatical and we'll return to the international stage beautifully refreshed after the following general election.

quite interesting that these two people look slightly different. the chap going to the museum looks well turned out, while the bloke going to the tube station looks more mysterious.

here's an intriguing sign which has many possibly meanings.

* was it written in the 60s when 'cat' was a funky word you appended to any sentence to be cool ? the 'old' referred respectfully to the fact that only rich people could afford cars ?

* are there lots of old cats hobbling around with little catty zimmer frames just round the corner ?

* or is it for cat drivers driving their catty cars ? cats are notoriously fast and unsafe drivers. this is a purr-fect sign for chauf-furs (chauffeurs).

as seen on cartoons everywhere ...

what a vain world we live in. terry thomas lookalikes have to use the back door to avoid upsetting the beautiful people at the front.

there was a model train museum on the Isle of Wight which claimed to be the biggest in the UK or something.

i quite fancied going until i saw this sign. then i went right off it.

sometimes a sign tells you more about the person behind the sign than the instructions themselves.

i feared for my children and mobile if we went in. so we didn't.

26things

i used to love that 'maxell, break the sound barrier' ad. the modern version doesn't have the same ring to it does it ?

gas can be a problem for some people. it's usually something to do with their diet.

if things get really bad, you know who to go to.

a baby with a full nappy. full to bursting in fact (which accounts for the small 'nugget' on the floor !

i haven't a clue what some of these mean. the one with the chap hopping by the tree is particularly random !

here is a nice nuclear family picture. if they all had their arms down i recon they could fit one more person in that shelter. but instead they are being very protective of their space:

but how about this toilet sign ?

in particular the baby changing facilities !

this census was more obligatory than the last one i saw

well. i caught a Beautiful South video on The Amp earlier.

it's quite excellent and you should watch it. there's a few excellent moments - especially the slippery floor sign and the recreation of the builder sign.

see it here (at the moment):
High Speed Connection
Medium Speed Connection
Low Speed Connection

this sign was definately for the baby changing but i can't work out what it's meant to be showing. it looks more like an alien autopsy.

no undressing and avoid bothersome activities

click to view in it's massive largeness

clickety for full read-y

so i set off down the walk and found this water 'otter

clickety for inspecty

not living anywhere near the sea i was surprised to find this sign in walking distance from my house. who'd 'av thought it.

especially since we'd spent the whole of last week on the Isle of Wight which WAS very wet, windy and sandy.

this is my ideal game - only available in Stockholm. warning, contains mooses.

it apes me to say this, but beware of monkeys.

i believe the subway above was not closed

this is a sign from a teeny weeny model of an underground railway construction site (using the cut and cover method).

i was sent these signs by reader marissa (not to be confused with reader rabbit). both are very good.

i particularly like the smartly dressedfulness of these two people. see how the older kid is pushing the smaller one in the back. she's probably walking too slow. that'll be because she's a girl and everyone knows girls can't walk fast.

or it might be because she hasn't got any feet. and neither has the bloke. so perhaps he's using her to steady himself.

i don't know for sure. i'm just trying to interpret these things for you.

and how about this for a great sign. the problem is that they've assumed it will be people who will try and swim, yet it's actually the ducks who have monopolised the place.

they should wrip that sign up and turn it the other way round.

or better two build a 2-sided one. they could then do one in english for people and one in duck-ish for duck people.

'quack quack. quackety quack!" it'd say.

probably.

this skip is acces only meaning once you've climbed in you can't climb out.

unless 'acces' isn't a mispelling of the word 'access', but in fact a different word which means "you can put stuff in AND take it out"

this sign was in the window of this little house by a play park in Hull.

i hope people read the sign before they go and do their 'do's. if not they'd have to gingerly waddle up to the window and knock whilst hoping no-one would see.

and who is this toilet roll dispensing duty ranger ? i bet he counts the sheets out one by one. i hope he rides a horse. rangers should do that kind of thing.

click to inspect this bizarre sign which is on the door at the Royal Festival Hall.

see how this stationery shop has saved money by reusing the letter t in stationary. they could have reused the letter 'a' too (if they'd spelt it wrong like i have]. but they didn't. lukcily.

the end result is partially unintelligable. which i like.

it's a sign about gloves.

i love the minimilism of this sign. two wiggles and a blob

dan sent me these pictures of a sign factory that he passes occasionally. click the pictures for closer inspection.

what if it's not actually a factory. what if it's someone's collection and they've disguised it as a factory to stop the police suspecting ? we've rumbled them now though haven't we.

i loved this sign, especially the unexpected last line.

this bloke has one leg longer than the other. poor chap.

here is an unreadable sign stuck round a lamp-post. it's got so much string on it you can't read all the words.

i think it says:

PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE RUBBISH HERE ALL DAY
THE RUBBISH IS COLLECTED AT 7AM EVERY MORNING
LEAVE YOUR RUBBISH OUT AT NIGHT
THIS IS A HEALTH HAZARD AND WILL ENCOURAGE RATS
THANK YOU

i don't know about you, but i'm keen to encourage rats so i'll comply with the sign.

here is a sign found by matt in oxford. it's very good and slightly disturbing.

children, please warn your kids to stay away

if this box could talk it would tell you things. it can't talk but it's still telling us things.

"sometimes it even uses inverted commas"

"there's more superfluous punctuation than anyone could possibly need here"

this pub has signs screwed in to the tables warning that thieves are in operation in the area. this table didn't have one as someone had stolen it. luckily they left the screws.

bill posters will be posting up bills perhaps ?

this chap doesn't care he's up a scaffolding. but if you can walk in the air then why bother worrying about falling off stuff ?

i've never seen a scaffolding incomplete sign before but today saw two in completely different parts of town.

i was sent this photo from simplegames who spotted it at a festival.

see the angry electicity and be very scared !

on the face of it this looks to be a nice happy birthday sign. but let's examine the facts:

* it's stuck on a dustbin,
* it reveals the lady's age to be 50 (something she may be in denial about)
* it implies she's over-weight ('big')
* it also suggests she's the only fat old person by saying "marian is THE big 50 today".

it also serves as a daily reminder of her increased age as it's been there a few days. poor old thing.

these signs get more complicated to understand as you read from the left to the right. i'm not sure what the one on the end means, but i wouldn't want to stand near it when it happens.

compare this to the Swedish one and you'll see these two chaps have been shovelling the same pile back and forth !

this is quite a mad sign. it contains beheaded dogs, ladder climbing dogs and random pushchair obstacle courses.

click to enlarge

click to inspect

look at the detail on this sign (which i may have photo'd before, but always worth a repeat). you can almost hear him straining with the weight of that shovel.

girls are no worry. but watch out for the boys.

here's some hand written signs from a non-chain hotel. they've got a room vacancy and job vacancy for a cleaner. perhaps it's a very messy room.

in times of trouble, don't turn to alcholo (especialy largger) [splling dlberate]

no crowd surfing signs were visible again this year, but this time with explanatory wording:

normally it's don't drink and drive, but at festivals it's don't smoke and drive:

no body likes dishonest thieves.

thiefery in england is still legal of course, but the long arm of the law and the slightly stumpy arm of the underground have reached a compromise. thieves can still do their thiefery, but they have to put a sign up outside whilst they are working so the police have a sporting chance of catching them.

here is one such sign:

there seems to have been some rather clever editing done on a number of Stockholm's street crossing signs. here is one such example:

the trains on my toilets (reverse that) are absolutely horrible. so it came as no surprise to see this tape stuck over the door. biological hazard - danger of infection.

i suspect this isn't an official sign ...

nice arrow work here.

voicebox isn't a word you see much on signs. it's here on this very intriguing sign though.

jane and i went on a boat trip in stockholm. i loved this sign which was essentially letters balanced on a stick.

jane spotted this and i didn't believe her so we had to turn the car round and go past it again. when we parked up to take the photo we were in the way so i only had a quick chance to take this photo which is why it isn't great.

but 1000 weeks is quite a long time. nearly 20 years in fact.

wherever i leave my hat, that's my home. Unfortunately if you have are a round straw hat and you drive a car you can't park it here:

i'm working from home today which is good as it's thunder and lightning and massive winds and rain. but it does mean i'm missing a few fantastic signs which have popped up outside my office !

luckily john has walter's camera and here the pictures sent to me by the method of email

it's a sign of the times:

no old dears:

give always:

i worry about small people and how they can't see things that taller people can. luckily in Heathrow airport the Harrods shop has addressed this by putting signs on the under-side of its normal signs.

the advertising could have been a bit more targeted: "premium sandwiches to make you grow big and tall".

or even better "kids, why not nag your parents in to buying you some Harrods chocolates" ?

ever fancied photo copying three pence ? well, here is the place for you.

if you don't fancy it then i suggest you take a photo of three pence instead

i've written about british motorway service stations before, but in my opinion Knutsford Service Station is the worst one ever.

they had these reassuring signs on the toilet seat lids. toilets, chemical attack, life expectancy. it was all too much for me.

even less reassuring was the toilet cubicles wouldn't lock because each of them had the lock on the wrong side - ie you could lock them from the outside, but not if you were in them ! How COMPLETELY useless is that (except maybe in a prison).

here is the winner of Mr Misnomer 2004:

and here is the exquisite exterior:

they've replaced a wall with a brickwall, rebricked it and now want you to divert yourself by climbing up it. don't these road menders have any sense of gravity ?

a do it yourself fire exit sign

feel free to use the drinking fountain. just don't drink the water.

i think the sign is deliberately up high so that kids don't see it and get poisoned. that's not very nice is it ?

this sign was on a lamp-post positioned for pedestrians and pub-dwellers to see rather than cars. it's also hidden in a tree.

stealth signs. that's the future.

symmetry in signs

click to read it all

i've walked under this sign for nearly 3 years and only today realised it says "5 races". hoorah for neon.

photos from tony

donning is such a great word. and it looks so good in print too.

this bit of scotland has only recently become a national park if i understand correctly. they are so proud, yet so protective they've introduced a nice signage system along the footopaths saying "national park - caution do not cross"

follow the yellow brick road white tape:

what doesn't go up must go down.

security is paramount in these modern days. i was surpised to see this key stuck on an outside wall protected only by a piece of smashable glass. the key looks like it allows access to the basement of the building it was attached to.

the shop owner might be sorry, but the bailiffs were probably less so. at least according to the formal notification posted below their sign.

i love the detail in this sign:

this is one of my most favouritist street signs. it's in wokingham in the south of england and is next to the train station by a level crossing.

it's got everything. motorways in blue and brackets. a double bracket round the end of (A329 (M)), A roads in and not in brackets, fat roads, small roads, maximum heights, maximum weights, local amenities, a station, local information and 6 place names all on one sign.

you are meant to read this whilst not getting hit by a train coming in to the station.

click to inspect

the Oak Tree Inn had soup of the day, cheesecake of the day and a rather worrying asserole of the day.

i hope the 'asserole' is missing a 'c' and not another word mispelt

How mad is this place ? Haggs welcome, but please drive carefully. We all know what bad drivers haggs can be.

this photo was taken whilst driving away through the village so apologies for the quality. it's surely better to walk and snap rather than doing a drive by.

here is another triangle danger sign. what is it with these little things ?

misleading advertising or can you really get a poster printed as large as infinity ? how do they charge for such a thing ? and how do they deliver it ? and where would you put it ? everywhere ?

locals least welcome

spotted on a lamp post in cambridge when i went a while back

look at this deliberate walking motion. he's going to do himself a mischief if he's not careful.

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

this is a hearty sign usually associated with major road excavations. today it denoted a small amount of mud on the street.

still, better safe than sorry.

what a simply brilliant idea. a handle !

they had run out of davids when i got there. or perhaps it was just a statement.

i've seen this sign many times, in fact i may even have posted it more than once. but this is the first time i've seen it coincided with the Anything Goes sign above.

no parking in mayfair.

these shops are just fantastic. just like stingy nettles and dock leaves, they are next to each other and have adapted to deal with competition nicely.

i especially liked the suspicious shop keeper who popped out in front of the shop for a cigarette. he had slicked back balding hair and dark glasses.

i love the word ramp. it's a good 'un and no mistake.

i think more roads should be replaced by ramps. life would become more dimensional with cars flying overhead Dukes of Hazard stylee.

this is my favourite dry cleaners. it's appeared many times before.

but today i noticed this rather subtle sign which is quite amusing. click and read to enjoy it to the max.

they've also set up a little paper chase round the outside of their building so you can find the door. i appear in this photo. can you see me ?

click for biggerity

they've used the old 'reverse colour' trick on the arrow. works quite well i think.

i like this sign. it's appeared at my local train station in the ticket office.

it's nice that it's a 'special notice' but i think it's probably not following the tain house-style.

it's much easier to spot mistakes on other people's stuff than your own. there's a missing full stop on vdu which probably doesn't even need any full stops in this day and age.

i went on a plan english course last week and it was fantastic. highly recommended.

if all goes wrong, climb on the ceiling:

we've had this sign before, but it is a favourite, so we can have it again.

i always think that 'uneven' is odd

have you ever seen such a battered sign ?

everything about this picture says no. the two no-entry signs. the no entry barrier and the yellow and black no entry tape attached to the barrier.

'no no no' they say. but i still walked on by.

i suspect this isn't the official 'vacancy' sign in this hotel. or maybe it is.

it makes you wonder what it's like inside !

i have a degree in control engineering. one of the fundamentals (if i remember anything about it) is that systems converge or diverge. mostly you want things to converge so they are stable.

for example, you want air conditioning systems to converge on the target temperate.

unfortunately most British trains have divergent systems. you tell it what temperature would be nice for travellers to sit in. and it adjust to make it much colder on a cold day and much hotter on a hot day. it's more of a question of extremes.

"pah" says the aircon, "you think this is hot ? do ya ? well, do ya ? i'll show ya what hot is". and so it goes.

UPDATE: my train on the way home was so hot the air conditioning broke and dripped water from the ceiling. it may have been condensation. it was in effect raining commuter sweat. escence of commuter. i should have bottled it.

i love a good 'don't chain your bike here' sign. this has got to be one of the best. it's a few metres up the road from this no bike parking sign

click to view the details

it's nice to see people stepping outside of the 2D picture world. i have big plans to make this blog 3D.

watch this space.

(actually i have no such plans, but it would be nice)

"these trousers have still got a hole in the knee. are you sure you mended them"

"yes sir".

some of my favourite signs are ones that warn of falling material

this one was sent to me by our friend lynda. it's very good.

i imagine this poor chap will go home and his wife will say "what's that indentation on your head" ?

and he'll say "it's an exclamation mark".

lynda is very keen on accurate spelling and punctuation so maybe it's a home made sign giving me a gentle hint to get my english up betterlier.

it reminded me of this pre-blog picture of jane and a very little kezia. you probably haven't seen it, so here you go:

we found this on the floor by our car this afternoon. i think the answer is quite bored. and seeing as it was a field used as a carpark for this day only, i'd probably also have been run over by a tractor.

great font. 'pub door sans serif' i think

i paid the gentleman holding this sign 30 pence for a photo of his sign. he said "30 pence isn't any good to me mate" which wasn't very greatful. i gave him the money anyway. just in case you know.

it was a job he wanted and not money apparently. and it was his first day homeless. a cause for celebration perhaps.

i'll go looking for him next week and see if he has incremented this sign or produced a new one. i may also get an update on how the 30 pence is going.

now, i'm in no position to pick people up on punctionation and spellling, but i did wonder why "winner" was in inverted commas. I suspect it's because winning a hair and beauty contest isn't really winning at all.

or maybe the nice judge said to the losers "don't worry, we're all winners here tonight" and they took it literally ?

sing from st james' park

"if you've nothing to say, then say nothing".

How i've wished to shout these words at particularly boring characters in excruciatingly tedious meetings.

instead i scream at them in my mind.

it's important to look right. if you don't look right, chances are you'll look wrong and it's times like that when you ought to take a long hard look at yourself and see yourself as others see you. see ?

i'm not sure if i like the font they are using here. I think it's RoadType Sans Serif.

pete sent me this sign. he's done very well as it's a great sign. it would have been even better if they had spelt weekdays as 'weak days' to celebrate old people's frailty.

little children are very tricky when it comes to toilets. their response to needing the toilet is quite binary (they need it desperately or not at all). The waving the arms in the air thing is quite typical at the desperate stage.

this sign is very reflective of the moment:

and here is a drinking fountain which is lacking some ooomph. or perhaps the person needs to bend over a bit more:

it's not completely out of use. it still makes a nice flag with writing on type thing.

here's a thing. it's a lucky dip in the litter bin. pay your money and put your hand in the bin. anything you pick out is yours to keep.

rumour is there's two £10 note in there. but you'll never win them as only the stall holder can.

he even admits that in writing: "only I win each".

strange things happen down the underground. in a willy wonka-esque dejuicing way, people who get squashed down the tube can be stretched back to their normal length.

if you are really shortened you have to use the 'plus' version.

here is an animal sign which isn't of a dog. it's from waltham st lawrence which is very posh and nice.

waltham st lawrence is the name of the place, not the person who sent it to me. she's called lynda.

the sign is written in words so as not to worry the chickens.

two bins next to each other. each with different signs. there's a real difference between these two recyclers. i relate more to the alien guy on the left rather than the speed freak on the right.

how do you recycle ?

the building next to my office has these two lovely signs attached. here they are for you to enjoy.

things were different in those days. today we have creams for acne. back then they would weld your pimples off.

how often do you say these three small words to people you care for ? try it and see what happens.

poet and cake maker

the sign and sports injury clinic near london bridge

"freshly made especially for you". no it's not.

it's generic sloppy ice-cream pumped full of air dispensed from a tap.

perhaps they didn't have enough space on the van to write those words.

here is possibly the best chocolate related sign coincidence i've ever seen. if you are a reader of the Evening Standard you get a free kitkat. if you are an executioner you get a £6M bounty.

i don't like coconut so was very happy with the kitkat.

this isn't a phrase i'm familiar with (despite walking past it for the last 6 months every evening and only noticing it for the first time today).

what are 'toilet requisites' ?

* are they things you eat and drink to produce toilet bound matter ?
* are they bladders and bowels ?
* are they running water and/or a chemical facility ?
* are they a newspaper and some privacy ?

kezia is potty training at the moment. she just decided it was time and we (quite literally) decided to go with the flow.

she's adopted her own language. instead of saying "i need a wee-wee" she says "i've done a poo".

we know what it means but she scared people in the creche at church last week because they didn't realise it was a request to be taken to the toilet rather than information on what hadn't happened.

just for your information she calls a poo a 'preecy-egg'. she also calls Easter Eggs 'preecy-eggs'. we had a very cheap easter this year ...

i've decided it's national help point week. today, we've all got to help people point at things.

some peoples' arms aren't strong enough and you can help by giving them extra support whilst others have no fingers and it might be kindest to point for them (without being patronising of course).

i inadvertently started helping with pointing yesterday (as seen here)

or perhaps i've misread the sign. perhaps we should be all helping the humble full stop. i often neglect this small chap and leave my sentences pointless - preferring instead to use a line '-' or a colon ':'

you decide. let me know how you get on

which is why there weren't any bikes attached to this:

someone's obviously bought a school and is selling off the contents. teachers are £20 and children are £15. doesn't say how much dinner ladies are.

everything garuanteed

postboxes are like open woulds and letters are like the salt we rub in to the wounds. the postmen are the skilled doctors who tend the wounds and make them well.

sometimes the wounds get infected as you can see here.

this mail box is for stamp mail only, which means letters regarding philately.

People aren't as interested in stamps now we've got the magical Internet. for example, i've got a lovely collection of email headers nicely mounted in an album which i regularly analyse with a magnifying glass

lost. a tortoise shell cat. or was that a cat skinned tortoise ?

we always put our customers first (except when there's a fire)

i thought the purpose of a census was to extract information on members of society so we all know where and who we are. when it happens everyone has to take part else it's not a proper census.

it's certainly not the case that we are all doing our own census and can pop in if we want to ask our own questions as is implied by this sign.

i didn't require a census so i walked a different way (i hobbled)

here is a sign in a tunnel. i assume it was put up by the street people who live in it. they were probably annoyed by all the tourists chatting whilst they were asleep in their cardboard boxes.

"shush. tramps sleeping" would have worked better

christians are good a corny slogans. that makes me proud.

(via i like)

i saw this sign on a seat in a very posh furniture shop. ideal instructions for the easter period

or what ? or nothing ?

the classic two options: take it or leave it.

is this man about to land on a dog ?

when the huggin gets nasty it turns in to wrestling.

and this on the roof of the bin:

here is a sign of a fire hose. it's nice to see a spiral.

it isn't an actual fire hose, it's just a drawing of a fire hose. ideal for fighting pretend fires perhaps.

i love it when something is labelled to say it's not doing what it should do. it simply draws more attention to the object in question.

this is a good street name:

and this is the world famous london shoe library:

remember the incorrect sign. well, the cafe has obviously employed a reading-expert who has now put jacket potatoes in the space marked jacket potatoes.

the same shop also has a nice picture menu. i like picture menus. you can see what you'll be getting. saves visualising.

i especially like how they've crossed one of the plates out. or perhaps they serve it with lines on.

i like obsessives. here is a particularly good one.

it's a study of road signs

there's always the problem of where to leave you straw hat. it's not always easy.

the first question of the 20 questions is 'who am I' ?

the answer is probably 'various'. but here's a start.

i'm a pedestrian taking a different footpath.

do you like this sign by the way ? it's very sturdy with its wooden support structure.

does anyone actually wear a cloak these days ? they're all probably packed away with monacles and cravats in a box marked 'dandy'

can you see clearly ?

i think this might be slightly ambitious. a small pub in london is proposing to host all the rugby games.

i don't know much about sport, but i do know that rugby platers are quite large, and just fitting them in this little bar would be hard enough, let alone letting them run around and bash in to each other.

perhaps it's got a large cellar bar.

i suspect the landlord might be even more deluded if he/she thinks they can avoid serving the players beer by enforcing this policy:

i suspect there may be a lot of dissapointed people in this pub. both on and off the pitch.

i got sent this lovely sign from Hampton Court from EasyRew. It made me laugh.

i walked past this shop earlier in the week and it was full of jacket potatoes. i should have taken a photo but i didn't. but today the sign shows bacon and sausages where once the potatoes were.

very interesting.

here is a sad story. someone has lost their cat. we lost one of our cats when esther was little and we had to put signs up all over the village and it was very sad. it never showed up our other cat died a few weeks later. now we are catless. oops. that was a sad story.

anyway, esther has a Richard Scary book about a girl's baby doll getting accidentally baked in to some bread. the bread then says "mama" and they find it unharmed

when the baker mews, i suspect the cat may have gone the same way.

here is a little message left in our church hall. it says "there is a mouse eating biscuits not in a box".

i suspect we can interpret this message in different ways.

this is a fine sign. watch your step if you are in the breakdancing competition.

it's been a while since i last walked past this sign, but it's still here. interestingly i managed to include a clock in the picture so i can add this post to two categores.

when will the experiment end ? where will it be written up. who gets to keep the lab coats ?

i'll get you a better picture of this sometime. it says "caution moving gate". it brought a sad tear to my eye.

... unless it's invisible laser light that can burn your eyes right off (unverified fact). please avoid the invisible beams.

so it appears there are two sorts of dangers. those we can see and those that we can't. if we avoid both of those then we should be ok.

where do cows park their boats ? i don't know either. i suspect this sign may provide some kind of answer.

this sign has a multitude of uses. it's nice that people care.

a great word and a sign ignored.

it says "please do not place any items on this plinth".

items means more than one, and there is only one bin, so it's probably ok.

it was a week for contributed signs last week. here is one from Sara from her travels. it's a road kill bingo card. the winner is the first person to spot (or for double points, run over) all the items on the sign.

this game is obviously slightly cruel so they have a dedicated help line for the animals.

cousin mike went on holiday with cousin catherine and returned with some sign pictures. here the general ones:

signs have feeling too (as also demonstrated here) and a lovely photo spot:

what is this guy smuggling ? a giant peapod ? a straight banana ? some giant lips ?

report suspicious people (especially people taking photos of signs) and some high voltage entertainment:

this is a very bizarre sign. what's it saying ?

have people been complaining that the nightclub is too shoddy and the campaign to have it refitted have failed ? or has it closed and the owners want to squash the rumours of a refit ?

or maybe there's some other explanation ?

here is a sign up a tree. but what does it say ?

squirrels and owls please take note.

contractual information displayed in an empty shop. notice my matrix like appearance in the reflection. that's what i actually look like.

it was snowy this morning. here is a no entry gate

and here are the allotments by the station:

Weymouth is a funny place. we saw this woman last time we were there.

here is a shop which sells fancy goods. what are fancy goods ? well they aren't cigarettes or rock. one man's fancy is another's normal. the shop is boarded up. perhaps someone took the owner's fancy ?

next to the fancy good shop is this excessively elaborate public toilet:

and between the two is this very dodgy looking door which leads to a passageway between the two buildings. it claims to be a hotel !

what kind of a price is £12 ? £11.99 would have been better.

these little stickers are all over my village on lamposts and stuff. probably some pesky kids. but where were they from originally ? and what was the original price ?

i suspect it was a failed marketing campaign. some bright spark thought he'd advertise his £10 goods as newly increased priced at £12 to see if he could make some money. how foolish he would have felt when he'd realised his own stupidity.

where would we be without scissors ? some people are trying to find out.

here is a completely confusing sign i saw on the edge of a building site. the green goes nicely with the purples, but i haven't a clue what it means.

it appears to be implying that the people in the middle are the centre of gravity.

perhaps it's the holy trinity in the middle (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit in that order). The sign is subtly telling people "hey, this God/Jesus/Spirit thing. think about it. it's the only way of making sense of life".

i suspect it's actually an emergency congregation point. which is also how some people think of God.

the gates were closed so i knocked on the door. thank fully there was no one in so i didn't need to explain that i was just taking their sign literally.

or perhaps the joke was on me as there was some fantastic prize for the first person to follow the random street instructions.

we are programmed to obey orders. especially when they are written in such flambouyant handwriting

this might be my favouritistest sign of all time. it made me smile for days. it's a tank chasing a monkey (thanks to jane for doing some fantastic driving to allow me to get out the car and take this photo):

but who would really win such a battle ? having had our car eaten by a monkey i could understand why things had changed by the time we reached the next roundabout:

here are some more monkeyless tank signs:

it appears we know the enemy is tracking our tanks.

i've mentioned benches before. it's not clear to me if the JOY on the back of this bench is a person or a concept.

this way to the sky.

this sign has a spiritual dimension.

roads themselves don't go anywhere. perhaps it's referring to the slow movement of tectonic plates. that would account for the unevenness (oddness) of the road surface.

they shouldn't let geologists make street signs.

here is a post-it stuck on a door. it says 'no publicity. thank you very much'. i suspect the house belongs to some failed celebrity who is sarcastically thanking the paparatzi for the lack of publicity he has received.

i should have knocked on the door and asked. but i didn't.

here is a little plastic exit sign which was blowing down the street. it had obviously taken its own advice.

henley-on-thames is a posh upper class town in the south of england. i was therefore surpised to see that a new shop has opened selling opium to the masses (or equivalent).

i'm happy to lump the two species together.

i have included a Venn diagram here for your convenience:

most of london is now covered in danger tape. including this electricity cabinet with no front door.

this sign informs us that if you push your trolley past this point then the trolley will stop suddenly.

perhaps the reason it would stop suddenly is that you will have driven it in to this brick wall ?

this is one of my favouritist street signs in london. to me it sums up modern Britain. Britain used to be Great with its mighty empire.

but now it's just Little Britain. and that's fine with me.

this sign is in a shop next to the local hospital. i'm not sure they should be selling the samples.

you remove your bike or we remove our railings simple as that.

one small point is that it mentions railing singular, but the sign is stuck on to two railings. which railing does it apply to ? if i had a bike i could have experimented. but i didn't.

here is a good sign. it uses the word prive instead of private to no doubt appear "down with the kids".

but don't even think about setting up a bike park or it'll be removed straight away. i think skateboarding parks would probably be ok, but i'm not entirely sure.

other point to note is that it's been nailed to the wall with cable clip things instead of nails which is a nice touch.

sometimes the sign itself says more than the sign itself.

this door is closed. but why you ask. read the sign.

it's been temporarily shut since 1st september 1995

this post-it note was stuck on the road in a parking space.

interesting sign next to a bike rack.

click for big version

here is a sign of death. i like the teeth. i used to be a goth you know.

i think this sign means this trees days are numbered.

this tree must die so that others near it might live. that's how forests work apparently

i got stopped by the police this morning. sort of. a police van was reversing out of an alley way and i had to stop walking for about 30 seconds so i didn't get run over.

but it just goes to show how close i am to the edge of the law most of the time.

a few minutes later i saw this sign.

here is a sign we pass every week on the way to church. it's a sign saying 'no dumping' and a crossed out christmas tree. the thing i like about this sign is that, even though it's hand made, it remains up all year round.

i wished i had taken a photo of it in the middle of summer, but i didn't because it's in a tricky place to stop. but today we stopped anyway.

is your money dirty ? well, you should go to this money launderer. you may even get to meet the speed queen.

can butterflies read ? if they are hungry enough they can.

here are some signs in the living rainforest.

here are two nice signs:

and is this any way to run a rainforest ? i blame global cooling or something

here is a sign screwed to the top of a pub table so no one steals it. it's obviously very important.

when it snows people do strange things. skid mostly. but cars go at different speeds. some way too slow. some way too fast.

how can you indicate this in a sign ? how about this which is a direct replacement for a speed limit sign which was there this morning:

they tried the same at the train station too:

this sign says the show home is open. but it was half past midnight and it blatantly wasn't open. i was dissappointed. what kind of 24 hours society are we running here ?

here is a mysterious thing in paddington station. it raises more questions than it solves i'm afraid.

why can't it be moved ? how did they get it there in the first place (they must have written the words on when it was in place). is it a reminder to the ticket inspectors not to listen to people's sob stories about losing their tickets ? is it for when there is a train strike and is used to accompany the song "we shall not be moved"

and most importantly. if it's not to be moved, why has it got a handle on the top.

one thing i enjoy about the tube system is that many of the signposts are in 3 dimensions. here is a good example at Westminster station. I may find some more examples for you.

the toilet signs in the london aquarium are very good

there was a sign on this pub which said WE ARE CLOSED FOR A PRIVATE PARTY.

unfortunately the party obviously got out of hand as they had completely wrecked the place and various men in hard hats were carrying bags of rubble and old floor boards out in to the street.

i would have got some better pictures, but i was running to another meeting which turned out to be 30 minutes away (and not my allotted 20 mintes). i arrived on time, but out of breath.

here is a sign on a lightswitch near where some technical people sit. technical people love playing with buttons and switches.

to prevent this happening they've put a post-it on it which says "NO ! I'm a light switch". Of course the light switch doesn't have hands, so how was the note written ?

i try to look both ways as much as possible:

smart and casual
fat and thin
tall and small
bright and thick

it worried me to ask, but what opposites do you attract ?

pay on foot sounds very monty pythonesque. i balanced 20 pence on my shoe. luckily i didn't have a car

in this modern world of daily threats, many people have taken to finding other ways of travelling which don't require you to be squashed in to a little metal tube in a tunnel way under the city.

of course, it's still one of the most efficient ways of getting round town so people still use it.

it's against this climate of fear that i was interested to see a sign which reminded people of the possibility of death on the underground (if they open the door which links carriages)

Death is something we don't generally talk about but it's worth considering as there's a 100% chance it will happen to you (and me). But i'd still rather not have a sign with death written on it whilst travelling !

my monday morning meetings at work now happen on a wednesday morning. so on a wednesday i get the tube right the way across, instead of walking halfway across, london.

i don't really like the tube as i generally have less eventful journeys that way (usually because i just read a book). But this morning i saw this great sign on my Hammersmith line train.

It's obviously a spoof one, but very good. It was so realistic i did a double take before i realised it was not a normal sign.

for more tube related strangeness (and signs) check out Going Underground's Blog, in particular this

two signs of interest today

don't drop stuff on people's heads with a forklift truck:

don't carry squares over semi-circles:

cross ? i'd be livid if it were me.

i asked the poor road what had come over it. "3 cars and a lorry" was the predictable cracker-joke answer.

the sign next to the swan says pedestrians only. who do swans think they are ? i was thinking of doing a citizen's arrest, but wasn't sure whether this was applicable to her majesy's swans. and i didn't fancy my chances of survival.

there's nothing worse for young kids than seeing their father mauled by a swan. so this time i let it go. next time i'll take some kind of electrical device.

i seem to have real issues with swans.

here is a sign of someone getting clonked by a stick. the photo didn't come out very well, so i will revisit it another day. this will do you for now.

this is a sign outside a dentist near the old bailey. the old bailey is where your worst criminals in the UK get their trials. a convenient location for any dentist

someone has chalked the words Arthur Beresford Pike 1855 - 1965 on the street outside the Middlesex Hospital near my office.

A quick google for such a fellow reveals he was an architect.

very strange someone would just randomly chalk his name on the street, and get the dates of birth/death wrong.

i love mysteries

this is a mysterious sign at Embankment Tube station (for those who want to pay homage to this sign, it's near the steps which lead down to the Bakerloo Line if you arrive on the Circle/District Line travelling in an eastward direction).

there are two sorts of sign writers - those who can finish their sentences and those who

no ft, no comment (thanks grahame !)

here are some more:

this last one is quite interesting and may reveal the sad truth behind this inadequate sign writing.

perhaps the sign writer wrote "look right" but then realised he'd stuffed up the word "right". So he over did the word "right" which meant he didn't have enough paint to do all the letters in the other sentences.

instead he ended up creating a sign which nearly says "look bright" which he obviously doesn't. he "ooks stupid".

my apologies yet again to purveyors of the english language. i know i've used ""s when i should have used ''s around my words.

allegedly is a weasel word which is used as an excuse to say something which is quite likely true.
probably is a weasel word which is used as an excuse to say something which is quite likely not true.

whenever i see probably on a sign i feel they should add what the probability actually is.

in this case it's probably (less than 1% chance) that the best music in the world will be played there. unless they are talking about genres then it might be nearer 40%

Pedestrian Casualty Reduction Signal Timings Experiment

here is the sign coming back on the chain ferry. i used flash to get the photo as it was dark and for some reason the camera totally ignores the background !

don't throw babies

poke this to make that happen

londoners love their little parks - a small amount of greenery amongst the otherwise grey streets.

however, this feeling is obviously not shared by everyone. in particular the plant activists. they are sick and tired of plants being treated like caged animals and want their plants liberated to roam free in the countryside.

of course these liberators don't want to ruin the environment so have chosen to state their views on a piece of paper cellotaped to a sign at the entrance to the park.

(the views expressed here are not necessarily my own. i am prepared to believe that a plant, properly fed and watered, and sheltered from frost can have a perfectly happy life in an artificial environment)

this urinal had been ripped off the wall in heathrow. 'welcome to england' it should have said. but it didn't. instead it said "do not use". in case you were thinking of, say, using it.

plane toilets are interesting. the plane on the way back was a 767 (i think) so had toilets all over the place. my intial trip to the loos was a little unsuccessful when i opened a cupboard instead of the toilet door. they all look the same these days.

Anyways, no smoking in the toilets right. if you do they throw you off the plane. if you mess with the smoke alarms they fine you lots of $$$ (probably means American's are more likely to mess with the smoke alarms than £££ UK people).

however, if you do smoke in the toilets (!) then don't throw your fag ends in to the paper waste

and just to really confuse you, here is a nice ashtray !

You can also get some larger than life sanitary items:

And another mysterious sign about not taking stuff out of toilets or something:

or how about this (which i assume means don't throw all your belongings down the toilet:

so many signs in such a small place

here is a row of signage from the side of the Arlanda Express in Stockholm. I saw the sign of the dog described in the train safety instruction book so walked up and down the train looking for it on windows etc.

I didn't find it, so reread the booklet to find that it said the sign was on the outside of the train. As we approached the airport I asked the ticket collector which end of the train dogs were allowed. She said "at both ends, but if you are disabled then you can have them in the middle".

So i ran down to the front of the train to get the sign, but when i got there the sign wasn't there. in fact it was at the back of the train which went whizzing a few seconds later before i could take a photo.

so i made the chap i was travelling with wait 15 minutes for the next train. i postitioned myself at the back of the platform so i could get the photo. the train arrived and ... the dog sign on this train was at the front. so i ran down the platform just in time to get this photo:

definately worth the wait i'd say. look at the variety of signs, and the very angular dog

the lift in this hotel is it's main redeeming feature. it has a sign which says "hit" next to the button and it also says "Hiss for Hogst". I've hissed like a punctured snake everytime i've gone in that lift but never once managed to summon a wild pig.

a lovely idea. if some kids is thinking of doing some meddling then give them a bat.

here is a sign from a baby changing shelf in the blokes toilets in skansen. the kid looks like a bird which is a shame.

it's also interesting to note that like the german's the swedes mark their male toilets "Herr". this is confusing for those who speak english who are used to her being the female possessive and him being the male version. if you are a german or swede reading this then it's probably worth you changing that if you get a chance please.

stick to 'blokes' and 'birds'. everyone knows what that means. and we are full circle back to the picture of the bird on the baby changing signage

regular readers will know that my mum is on holiday somewhere. i'm not entirely sure where it is, and i'm beginning to wonder if she's joined a religious cult as she's started sending me quality pictures of signs.

i think she's been driving round taking these pictures just so she can be featured on the blog. i thank her for her tireless dedication to the task !

click on these tiny photos for bigger readable versions

she also sent me this picture of a hip rock'n'roll band she had discovered:

it makes you wonder where she's gone and if she'll ever come back again !

here is a little sign i saw on a bottle of bleach. it says 'irritant'.

i suggest you print this sign on to a label and stick it on people. ideal for dealing with loud mobile conversational people on public transport for example.

you could always do the comedy school boy thing of sticking it on their back. ho ho

postman pat's spiritual welfare was provided by the church. The sign read "please stay on the path". a firm reminder to all christians to stay true to their foundations

the spritual welfare of the guinee pigs (not guiness pigs) was also considered in the kids animal area. in their pen they had a nice church too:

here is a good sign being blatantly ignored by some giant chess people. this picture contains a lad referred to as 'golden boy' by his mum. she proclaimed this whilst having an argument with his dad. other people's holiday strops are always amusing to observe

london is great. all over the place are round blue signs like this one which say who once lived where.

this one is my favourite: Thomas Young, Man of Science.

Man of sciences sounds a very old fashioned title. i imagine at the time it was completely futuristic. but now is just sounds strange.

i'm a man of science. i'm made of molecules and atoms and all those tiny things they tell you about in school.

man of science was probably an alternative to 'man of god' ie you can't be a techno-bod and a person of faith. they don't have to be exclusive though. God invented a fantastic world with physical constants and structures which we can start to understand.

i'm a man of science and i'm a christian. i'm not great at either. but i try.

i saw this sign in an office toilet. i like the way an old bit of chewing gum has been stuck on the word chewing gum. i was there with a french man, who has plenty of foreign objects with him (including chewing gum?)

this is not true - but would you risk chaining anything to the railings to find out ?

being honest about food contents is important

here it is 'in the flesh'

two signs for 1 mile. is that 2 miles ? or a consensus at 1 mile. was the second sign put there by a blind man who didn't see the first sign.

what kind of crazy world do we live in where they let blind people put up traffic signs ? that could lead to all sorts of chaos. but would be very good for blog pictures.

this is a contributed sign. don't know of its origin.

looks like the dustpan has seen its fair share of accidents.

are you hungry for cake ? you're welcome to ask our waiters/waitress for cake

this sign makes no sense. why is this man after action for another library. very strange

this sign had been cancelled by sticking tape all over it. i especially like the no wheelchairs. why ???

the office which became of fice is now just f ice. the o has g ne.

i saw this sign in a museum. i've never looked at it close up before. the brid looks like it is absolutely petrified ! it's mad tongue and flailing legs make it appear very concerned about something

i thought the first traffic lights ever came from leicester in england. berlin claims that they had the first traffic lights. interesting hey ?

this sign reminded me of my youngest daughter kezia. she likes to involve herself in her meals in the same way as this little chap.

my german isn't very good but i think this street might be wet

i suspect his is actually advertising but i like the idea of easy to use bins

in event of fire, don't stand in the fireproof box.

or maybe it's saying "this man and woman had no chance against the fire. they are now ex-people"

or maybe it's saying "no mixed burning"

remember the lazy eye(s). here is a very lazy f. it's not even bothered coming in to the office.

i don't like flying at all. but i put on a brave face.

my seat this evening was next to the emergency exit, and because of the layout of the plane I was on the emergency exit route. In fact, as pointed out by the stewardess, i was responsible for operating the emergency exit in an emergency.

i had little training but took the responsibilty very seriously. it appeared i would need to slide a little window down, pull a handle and remove the complete door unit. i was ready. luckily i didn't need to go through with it. though i was ready for a drill at 5,000 feet.

I was thinking about opening it a jar whilst we were going on to get a nice breeze going through. however, they have nice little screens on the planes showing where you are and wind speed etc. one of them said it was -20degC outside so i decided to keep the door shut.

i love satsumas. it's what christmas is all about (sort of). we are not quite in season yet, so i expected prices to be slightly inflated.

but, my goodness:

'tesco unbeatable offers - two for £3.'

I suspect it's the definition of the word "unbeatable" which is at question here

here is a contributed sign from some friends. they saw it at Hughenden Manor. it says:

"No more food orders due to no more food - Many apologies"

that's the voice of english heritage (national trust actually) saying it like it is

here is a sign on a urinal in a burger restaurant in Oxford Street

this bus sign is written in pictures and words in case the bus driver doesn't speak english. in which case he probably can't understand 'except' and will go up there anyway. if he's the bus driver then that's fine cause it's no entry except for buses.

a picture paints a thousand words. you could save a lot of typing that way.

5 children playing (they have to change the sign if they have friends round)

and just round the corner:

10 slow children playing

the last thing we saw in the festival grounds was this beer selling tent. in the half light and from an angle it DID look like it said "carry out ear". in fact it said carry out bar. picture isn't very clear. but then neither was my vision. i think it must have been all the second hand smoke i inhaled (we only drank coke (-a-cola) and water all day)

no entry through the parcel tape. tourists could get stuck like flies on flypaper

they've laid new road round the corner from the office and it looks like they have handrawn the road signs. i would love to meet the man who draws the bikes. I wonder if 'bike man' does any other signs ?

It good to know that the word is a better place and that middle class England has moved on from the smut filled sexist 70s.

We went to the Knowl Hill Steam Fair today and they had a fair there. There was one ride where people sat in a row and got thrown all over the place.

The sign on the door revealed a particularly special offer

Whilst we were there all the riders were payers

I saw this in the gutter. We don't know who dropped it, so we are unable to say if it is a lover's tif

found on the floor:

"This frame is re-stained and the perspect clean (no need to unwrap)"

found on a style about 10 mins walk from our house

not an instruction, more of an alternative.

this was written on a handdrier in Dinton Pastures. A fantastic name.

Here is a link to the modern Stiebel Eltron. nice trousers lady.

sign in a shop

sign at warwick castle

in the boarding school where we were staying they had an Activities Board. It appears that smoking is the norm in this school as one of the Activities is Not Smoking. It sure is a healthy activity.

of course it wasn't a through road. It's closed. in fact, it's the close.

i walked past goodenough college today. that's the college for me. no high flyers or total slackers allowed.

this sign is in st pancras station. just in case anyone transports it somewhere

she lived her life like a candle in the wind. got a light boy ?

i must have walked past these ancient lights tens of hundreds of times, but today, for the first time, i noticed the sign which says "ancient lights"

they are on either side of the pub opposite my office called the Hope and there are two signs next to the two (ancient) lights.

it's next to the Pollocks Toy Museum. next time you are in London, why not visit both attractions at the same time (and take me out for lunch as well)

i was wondering if i should tone down the blog and introduce some more sensible content. then i saw this:

i took it as a sign

i saw this sign on the boat from saint malo.
bras ! i think the idea is that you abandon your bra if you are leaving the UK so you can be a true european (they also had some stick on arm pit hair)

Now, i'm not stupid. i can read a bit of french. and i know that enfants means babies. and everyone knows that kids don't wear bras.
so i recon you can also leave your kids in this locker if you want.

danger if you walk

danger if you drive

a very suspicious looking character