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hassocks archives




I took a picture of all the Hassocks i could find as they were being tidied up at the end of a service.  Here are a few of them.  I suspect many of the hassocks are now lying under rubble, so perhaps these are the only record of them ?

<this week  deliberately left blank>

for some reason i think i might have deleted all my hassocks, which isn't too good since i'm currently trying to back up entire hard drives rather than wipe them.  we'll see if they turn up otherwise, i might give hassock of the week a well earned rest for a bit !

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quite a funky kneeler this week hey  ?

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holiday special

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this reminded me of chemistry experiments at school.  conclusion: combustible.

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quite what is this ?

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what is this strange thing ?  it's some kind of fishy eye octopus type affair.

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this hassock was sent in by top regular reader phil.  he explains it thus:

My girlfriend came third in an embroidery competition for Livery companies, organized by the Broders Livery Company(embroiders), attached is a picture of the second place entry. I am sure that this has to be ,at least a candidate for hassock of the week

I think that this is going to be my one opportunity in life to say that, and as I am never one to miss an opportunity, I had to take it

Thanks Phil !

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kezia told me this means no parking

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sorry.  i've no idea.

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will there be golf in heaven ?  or perhaps it's more suited to the other place ?  those of a more theological background can probably give us chapter and verse on this question.

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an international hassock

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happy easter !

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good luck to all doing the london marathon today !

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keep britain tidy ?

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bit blurred this one.  sorry about that.

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strange fish.  or birds

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this is a bit of a mysterious hassock

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i told you i found a really rich seam of hassocks at our friends church a fortnight ago.  here's a great example.  it's seemingly an exploding angel.

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great news by the way.  found a fantastically reach seam of hassocks last week.  both quality and quantity. should be enough to keep us going for another year !

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what IS going on here ?

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a nice festive one this week.  i'm a bit low on hassock stocks, so unless i find a church with a rich seam, hassock of the week might have to retire mid 2009 !

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the wise men begin their journey

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looks a bit like a lion this way up.

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very autumnal.  as it is.

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is this a snake eating a stick ?

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is the chap in the middle wearing really big white shoes ?

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a military hassock this week

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aircon hassock

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dive dive dive

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hassocks from two different churches, but obviously the same design.  and not to scale i think.

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this hassock isn't patterned but is doing a great job angling jane's marshall amp at her at church last sunday.  it's a roadie hassock on a mission from God.

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look at these great hassocks we found whilst out geocaching yesterday

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a fantastically high one (for vicar kneelery).  And this long skinny one for choir kneelery

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zoomy-inny

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is this a box of crayons ?

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wild weather at sea as experienced recently around britain.

which reminds me - i am simply loving the shipping forecast on the way to work in the morning.  My alarm clock is fast and gets faster by about 5 minutes every month.  As a result i'm waking up at about 4.55am at the moment and am in my car heading to work around 5.15am.  for the first 10 minutes i listen to the shipping forecast which is simply lovely.  An example is ' Forties Cromarty Forth Tyne Dogger.  Southwest backing south. gale 8 to storm 10, veering west, severe gale 9 to violent storm 11. Rain, then squally showers. Poor, becoming moderate.' 

They also say things like 'rough perhaps violent storm' at the end.  i love the vagueness of that. you want more than 'perhaps' from experts.

read the latest reports here, although you really have to hear it to love it.

i wonder if for the modern age they should also do a shopping forecast giving reviews of shopping centres:
"meadowhall, blue water, northerly traffic queues.  sales on. bargains possible.  frustration mild to strong, perhaps unbearable"

or perhaps a sipping forecast:
"tea. strong. white. sugars 2, becoming sweeter.  perhaps tepid".

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hassock and fancy shoe

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here's a very special hassock of the week.  it was made by my mum when we were little.  it was from a kit i think.  i found the photo yesterday in a big pile of family photos which jane kindly extracted from the loft, and the memories came flooding back.  i wonder where this hassock is now - probably where it was back then.

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look at them all !  brilliant.

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triffid ?

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rsw anyone ?

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to p or not to p ? (tuppence or not?)

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loop da loop

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another submitted hassock

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angels sent from brother in law kev


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dog and a window. mmm.

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good news - i found a rich seam of hassocks last week which i quickly photographed and stockpiled, so i've got enough for the next year and a half. hallelujah !

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strange beast spotted by brother edd

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this week's hassock of the week is quite special as it's from the ascension memorial church ipswich massachusetts. before you panic that i've spent the funkypancake travel budget on a trip to massachusetts to take a picture of a hassock, i didn't. i took the photo in a church in ipswich, england.

i think i've tracked down the ascension memorial church though. it's here. interesting rotating pictures on the front page, especially the one which shows a girls coat glowing with holiness

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but what is this ?

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fishy handbag and bad colour coordination.

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fish knot

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cats and birds of forde abbey

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i'm starting to get a bit low on hassocks, so if you've got any nice ones you can photo, please send them to me at blog@funkypancake.com

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quite a pyschedlic one this week

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these hassocks were sent by a friend of brother in law kev and represent the first ever contributed hassock of the week. what a great selection.

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for one week only renamed hassock haddock of the week
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it's two the same !
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mouse on a toadstool - where in the Bible is that ?
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is this a hassock of some underpants ?


anyone know what this is all about (guesses only from those who don't know!)

what on earth is this ?



the dog - surely the holiest of all animals


what is this one about ?

this one looks like someone's set a stick-of-rock on fire.

a modern medley

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an absolute classic hassock this week ! This is British Hassockery at it's best.







i forgot to post this last week (christmas day) so here it is a bit late. sorry about that.

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another quality illustration

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from brother edd. is this chap threatening the snakes with a rolling pin ?

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st matthew the pie eater
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i thought this was a glove at first until i realised it had 7 fingers.

any ideas what this is ? i didn't work it out for ages.


it's a magic electric finger (not to be confused with my cousin chris' magic fingers art shops)





well, the hassocks are flying in fast and furious. i've already got 40-odd lined up for you and i know of at least 3 more rich seams.

to pace myself i'll try and give you one per week.


i've decided to start a new category which i hope you'll all enjoy. i don't normally 'big-up' a new category, but i'm hoping this will be a good one.

it's Hassocks. you know. those church kneeler things.

the best ones are those made by members of the church congregation (some of whom may be reading this so i need to be careful).

Hassocks combine many of my favourite things:

* resting/kneeling down (though i'd rather sit to be honest)
* 1980s computer graphics
* tenuous religious links
* home-made crafting (cross stitch and needlepoint)
* church building interiors
* chocolate

he's our first one, which has a dog on it. dog is an anagram of odg and ogd, but also God. which is why i assume it's on a Hassock.

great stuff.