another varient on a classic dog.

click for big

there's a place on the south end of loch lomond called 'loch lomond shores':

it's very nice and you get to see a nice IMAX video and a very poor animatonic thing.

but the best bit is the view from the top:

i spent about 20 minutes trying to convince esther and her friend catherine that pince cones are in fact eggs containing baby mice. when they didn't believe me i admitted i'd got it wrong (i'm man enough).

i explained instead that baby dogs came out of pine cones and if they came along very early on a sunny summer morning they would hear the pine cones popping and puppies flying out. they didn't believe this either, but i think they enjoyed being smarter than an old person for a while !

on the way out esther pointed up at this tree and said "look mummy, there's a pie in that tree". and so there wasn't. unless it's a giant mushroom pie.

here are tony, tanya, liz, jane and numberous kids as seen earlier today

a trip to the vyne today. it's very nice and worth a visit if you are in the area (or even not as we aren't):

and again with tony's head in the way:

national trust bollards are green. they are the special forces of the bollard world. experts in stealth and undercover operations.

they also have funny round bits on their heads making them look like chess prawns. i know it should be 'pawn' but 'prawn' always sounded better.

i love the detail in this sign:

the great british picnic usually takes place in a car park. you'll also need to take an umbrella. the umbrella WILL be needed to protect you from either the wind, rain or sun.

today it was a sun repellent.

our friend tony is trying really hard to be middle class. so much so that he bought himself a picnic hamper. here are the wine goblets with associated rosey red apples.

later tony slept on the floor next to the picnic and his car:

meanwhile the girls blew bubbles:

and then sat in the boot of the car:

now, i had a bit of a rant about he british post office system yesterday.

i was therefore delighted to spot this in the front garden of the post office in sherfield on loddon - it's a crocodile, half a dog and a load of plastic ducks:

it's no wonder red bollards are so prevalent. look how these ones have climbed on top of each other to overpower this little green chap.

the same happened with grey and red squirrels you know.

one minute there was just bread then there were giant baked potatoes. a mystery caught on camera.

here are Ed & Nicci selling Bibles. not your typical door to door Bible salesmen. you know, the ones that come round at 1am waking you up with their washboards and flugelhorns throwing flour and demanding you buy a Bible.

no, not such tactics for them. they chose to stand in a field with a wonky sign and a box of Bibles. very popular they were too (ed, nicci and the Bibles)

but if you think about it. if i told you i had a book which was actually written by your actual God, then chances are you'd be interested in reading it too. and so you should be.

it was the end of holiday club BBQ this evening. alfresco music was fun.

i liked these BBQ signs which people ignored by standing a long way away from. it was a proper barby queue. sorry,

the word is chimney, but some people say 'chimley' which sounds much nicer. perhaps we should start a campaign to get it changed ?

(photo by jane)

i was lucky enough to be able to spend half an hour in a post office today. i've written about my love of post offices before but each experience makes me want to write more.

i came prepared for this visit with some chocolate and an ice cool drink and happily chatted with my queue-neighbour for the 20 minutes it took to reach the cashier desks. i suspect the hot and airlessness is a ploy to kill a few customers off before they get served so the queues are shorter.

i was amazed to see this display for BT Broadband Internet. BT and the Post Office used to be the same nationalised company a few decades ago so it was nice they are working together in this way. Unfortunately their advert says "hurry, offer ends 2th June 2004" so it was over a month out of date which was most appropriate for the post office.

when i eventually got to a cashier the man told me off for arriving at his window too soon. "i didn't press my button" he said. "well press it now" I said.

he looked me in the eyes, paused, then pressed his button. we were off !

there's more to this story, but this isn't a text blog so i'll end it there.

mu guess is that a 'semi-automatic' door is probably half as automatic as an 'automatic' door. but i could be wrong.

it looks like this wasn't always the case though. what actually happens is you grab the door and need to give it a good push to open it. as soon as it starts to open it suddenly becomes automatic and drags you in to the building society.

go to abbey national in wokingham to experience this for yourself.

this is one of my most favouritist street signs. it's in wokingham in the south of england and is next to the train station by a level crossing.

it's got everything. motorways in blue and brackets. a double bracket round the end of (A329 (M)), A roads in and not in brackets, fat roads, small roads, maximum heights, maximum weights, local amenities, a station, local information and 6 place names all on one sign.

you are meant to read this whilst not getting hit by a train coming in to the station.

click to inspect

when jane wasn't singing she painted faces. this was the end of her session and her market had been saturated (thanks to everyone being painted).

here she reflects on her success (in the fluffy pink mirror)

apologies once again to the balloon haters. i touched a balloon earlier today and still have creepy skin as a result. yuck.

we've been singing a song called 'tiny little me' this week. as i walked around the marquee where we are playing after the kids had left i saw this piece of newspaper on the floor.

the message yesterday was about saying no to 'me' and yes to Jesus. perhaps someone took this literally and left their 'me' behind ?

jane, mark, richard and craig:

fiona wasn't there today so she became the cardboard member:

even mr sound wore a wig today:

these red bollards are bullying the yellow road bollard for no other reason than he is different from them. that is SO not right.

one day on our holiday we found this wheely bin blocking our exit. jane's dad tried to move it but it was filled with concrete and mud.

how like life.

i loved this reflection of a wall clock in the Oak Tree Inn. as the window moved in the door it seemed to shimmer and melt.

a lovely effect enhanced by nice warm colours.

viewed from an angle in the Oak Tree Inn

the Oak Tree Inn had soup of the day, cheesecake of the day and a rather worrying asserole of the day.

i hope the 'asserole' is missing a 'c' and not another word mispelt

oooh, this is the 3000th funkypancake post. that's an average of 'quite a few' a day since 16 April 2003 so that's 6 and a bit posts per day. fancy that fact fans.

here is an ancient telephone and a modern wall plug in the Oak Tree Inn:

our holidayhouse was right opposite the oak tree inn, which is a lovely traditional pub/inn/restaurant/cafe/hotel thing.

here are esther and kezia enjoying a coke:

there's a little hill in balmaha (near the massive hill) which you can climb up quite easily. on this occasion jane carried kezia.

here is jane getting her breath back:

we were not alone in enjoying the view:

jane's dad looks and ponders:

everyone looks and ponders:

here is the view from the scrubland in the back of our scottish holiday house:

click to expand your horizons

i like going supermarket shopping with esther and kezia. i think this is because i do it so rarely it's still a novelty.

here is a game you can play to bring even more fun to a shopping trip. get a massive multi-pack of crisps and try to get your youngster to balance it on their head whilst you whizz them about on the trolley.

kezia did quite well, although she found the bag of oven chips we tried later a little cold.

i went to the supermarket with kezia this afternoon as a father/daughter bonding thing. we walked past the men's pants department and i saw these keyhole trunks.

trunks seems a modern word for pants (and i use this term in the most british of senses - non of your trousers here pls).

and what's the keyhole bit all about ? is it for those physiologically challenged ? or a modern day chastity belt ? it's all too much for me to comprehend.

next they'll be saying men need to wear single piece swimming costumes at public pools.

esther took this photo but was very concerned because she said she could only see three of the bollards in the photo. i said we should call it 'the hiding bollard' because you can see it if you look justbehind the third one.

more random field activities. this time involving lots of cardboard boxes. one of the organisers said it took around 7 hours to prepare this game, which lasted approximately 7 minutes !

it's that drummer again ...

we had a very nice trip to Milarrochy Bay with cousin catherine, cousin mike and his parents.

here is a view of the loch:

inspired by the children cousins jane and catherine regressed and built a sand speed boat for esther and kezia (mike's dad provided valuable engineering input):

jane's parents spot something funny in a tree:

then kezia came down and walked through a very photogenic hollow tree:

the sound and visionaries looked even more confused today:

i discovered there is just enough time in one of his solos to take a photo of the drummer. here is the evidence:

and here is the man without sticks. click for a big version (but take a deep breath first):

our lead guitarist was away today. he's a local doctor and chose to help save people's lives rather than play in the band. tsch.

we realised we couldn't do without him so jane spent all last night building a cardboard replica. we got his wife to lend us his t-shirt and i think she may have preferred our version (even better than the real thing).

this bollard was approaching the 'little seeds' tent at the holiday club. little seeds is for the 0 to 5 year olds, but it's only a small bollard.

perhaps it was already starting to question why it was there. as a road and pavement user i often have to ask the same question about bollards.

in a strange matter of symmetry i sat for around 30 minutes in a number of bollard related traffic queues this afternoon. makes you think.

i think i'll throw this one open as a caption competition. not a real competition of course as there's no prizes other than the personal satisfaction of a job well done.

here is a ceilidh band in a box (well on a trolley). how organised is that !

we stayed the week in the same holiday house as jane's parents. we were a bit apprehensive about this (as were they i suspect) as we hadn't done such a thing before.

in actual factual it turned our brilliantly as they were happy to stay in on the evenings and jane and i could go for healthy walks and pub drinking ! we loved it, the girls loved it and i think they loved it too. hoorah for all.

here they are at the wedding under a red heating lamp:

kezia spent much of the wedding taking photos with the dispensable cameras. where did she get that habit from ?

the reason we went up to scotland was because we were invited to jane's cousin andrew's wedding. it was a fantastic scottish wedding and we had a great time. here are a few snaps.

best man giving final words of advice:

bride sticking her tongue out at the best man whilst signing the schedule:

cousin andrew:

jane's parents and andrew (prime caption contest material):

all the little people:

arty wedding shots:

esther and kezia kept themselves amused during the meal by drawing pictures for the dignatories and delivering them:

staying up late:

i spotted this sign at my local train station today. it says "due to instructions from above we will be unable to issue any car park tickets without your car registration number"

i suspect they felt that God was telling them to make this move when they read Luke 12:7 which says "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.".

ie God who made the whole universe also has an interest in the minute details of your life right down to how many hairs you have on your head (easier to count on some than others).

but, if God knows these details anyway, why does the train station need to know too ? and what's more, why the negative attitude

we had a nice afternoon today. elton was still here, and another friend and her two daughters came along for lunch. the children had their own picnic table for added fun and excitement.

i leant the sound man my camera for a song so he could take a photo. this is what he came up with:

i think it's quite good actually !

we decided that some of the rhythm section of the band should wear wigs today. today we chose three nice grey wigs. it was a hot plan. i don't know how old ladies manage to wear their wigs and massive woolly coats in the middle of summer without passing out.

perhaps that's why old ladies are usually so thin. it's because of their live-in saunas.

the apples looked quite attractive in their soggy storage buckets:

at the church holiday club they projected a variety of signs on to the screen for the kids to say what they stood for (all were warning about danger ahead and the likely result of ignoring them).

one of the signs was a 'slippery floor'. the compere asked "where will you see this type of sign" ? i was very disappointed that no-one shouted "the funkypancake blog". oh well.

the main highlight of the holiday club is leaders getting a cream pie in the face or gunge on their head. this year there is a sheep theme so the gunge machine has turned in to a sheep dip dispenser.

when i arrived this morning Ken was perfecting its pouring action. the other photo shows it in operation.

this is one area where i have a sense of humour failure i'm afraid so i won't dwell any longer ...

more creations from the mind of esther

here is elton. he's staying with us again for the evening and we had another BBQ as this is what we do when Elton comes along.

here is elton wearing his lady-hat from New Zealand:

a bit later on paul, liz and baby dougie joined us. paul, elton and i were all in sheffield at the same time and so it was great to have a mini reunion

here is baby dougie:

i started up the barbeque by liberally spreading matchboxes across the top:

when i'd lit the BBQ esther said "daddy are we having a barbeque or is that just for a photo". i think this photography thing might be having an effect on my family

here is the fruit pie:

here is craig the drummer as seen through his high-hat. craig arrived on an early flight from the US just in time to play this morning.

at one point this morning we had a keyboard with no stand or pedals, no power, no electric guitar player and an airbourne drummer. but it all came fine just before the kids arrived

there's only one way (depending on your age group)

the people doing sound and vision things for the holiday club all sit in a row eagerly awaiting the arrival of the children.

the phrase 'star material' usually means someone has great talent, particularly in the field of entertainment (field of entertainment taken literally could mean Glastonbury festival).

in this case it simply means the upholstery used to cover the chairs

How mad is this place ? Haggs welcome, but please drive carefully. We all know what bad drivers haggs can be.

this photo was taken whilst driving away through the village so apologies for the quality. it's surely better to walk and snap rather than doing a drive by.

i found a few chairs in undergrowth on holiday. here is the first one.

finding abandoned stuff in the countryside is harder than finding abandoned stuff in london, but it's also some how more rewarding, and often visually more attractive.

we stayed in a village called Balmaha on the side of Loch Lomond. Opposite the pub and right next to our holiday house was this rather lovely play park. the girls loved it (Kezia IS loving the hammock swing, she's just holding on tight!)

the first night we arrived at Balmaha we walked up a little hill and saw this rather pretty sight as the evening drew in.

here is another triangle danger sign. what is it with these little things ?

first scottish glove find

my first scottish find ...

ooh. remember the Pure Reason Revolution - I mentioned their single a few weeks back. well, they've just signed to Sony for a 5 album deal. they signed on the roof of the sony building and everything.

i think that's a 'good thing'

here is my father-in-law on his sit on mower. he loves his mower and so he should ! more red and green colour coordination for those daily attending the blog wishing to see such things.

tonight represents the beginning of the second phase of my two weeks holiday from work. this week we've got our church kids club. it's already practically sold out and we're expecting 250 kids each day i think ! it's in a marquee on a school field. you may have seen the photos from last year.

jane is leading the music and i'm playing bass in the band in the mornings. afternoon is kezia/esther looking after for me.

here is the view of the stage with mike and music stands in a nice row. it didn't look like that by the time we'd finished we'd finished with it.

those of a praying nature may wish to pray for nice weather, safety and the kids learning stuff whilst having fun etc.

enjoying today's southern england sunshine (before it chucked it down with rain this afternoon) we went for a cycle ride and picnic on a village green.

i loved scotland. and this shop summed it up nicely. it WAS great outdoors.

but it was also great indoors too ! (especially when we were visiting friends and relations, and staying in a lovely holiday house).

in my experience, which i admit is a bit limited, it isn't very sunny in scotland. like ever. so i suspect these tanning shops do very well.

i managed to get a tan just standing by this flourescent tan with it's nice 1980s graphics and type font.

i spotted this bollard in glasgow as we drove by. it's covered in a lovely mosaic which is probably a Roman influence (Ha-ha-drain's wall isn't too far away after all).

quite a general sign this one, but welcome (quite literally folks) neverthelessormore

here is a rare sign of family togetherness on the journey. about half way in esther moved up front and i was relegated to the back with kezia. this worked much better and reduced my moanyness greatly.

once we got to cumbria the scenery started to pick up:

service stations are great for dog signs as well as slippery signs.

here's a door sign (from both sides of the door):

here's a dog sign on a stick in the car park:

in more detail here:

the opposite applies here:

so, you're thinking of starting your own collection of slippery floor signs - but where's the best place to start. well, let me tell you. it's motorway service stations. full of them they are.

the strange thing is that motorway service stations are increasingly becoming photo-fits of each other, yet the one thing they haven't standardised on is slippery floor signs.

here are a few examples. i didn't take photos of ones i've already got. some are quite similar though so i'll talk you through them:

a classic hollow body picture very similar to this one. possibly caught a few micro-seconds later.

at first glance this is the same as this one. but look again, don't be fooled. the claw is gone and the person has merged with the puddle. it's never clear on these photos whether the subject slipped on the puddle or produced it as a result of their fall (is it blood ?):

as above with helpful explanatory words:

the water on this one isn't quite as deep as this one:

very similar to (if not the same as) the waitrose version. this one is certainly more in focus. the chap seems to be dancing the can-can (and therefore more likely to fall over). they are using the full space available to them:

finally something a little more tenuous. it's indicating that cleaning is happening and therefore, by implication, slipperness may appear.

so, what do you do when you are stuck in a massive stationary motorway queue and your two year old starts screaming at the top of her voice that she needs a poo ?

well, you put up with it as long as you can then you get your wife to lift up the 2 year old whilst your 5 year old inserts a potty under her bott.

you then wait patiently and hope that the matter in question is just liquid (and not a Preecy Egg")

you then get the 5 year old to hold the potty steady whilst the 2 year old is lifted slowly up and lowered back in to her car seat.

meanwhile the driver (me) needs to be extremely carefully accelerating and decelerating as the once stationary traffic queue starts to finally move off.

i'm pleased to announce there was no physical spillage or loss of dignity in the process, though i fear the emotional scars may take longer to heal.

here is britains newest and only toll motorway. it cost £2 and was definately worth it. it's a bit of cheek that we pay our road tax etc and then have to pay some more to have a decent road, but there we go (very fastly).

the government had arranged for a number of roadworks on the non-toll road before and after the proper toll bit so you felt like you were really getting the benefit of paying. i appreciated this as it was a kind of reverse familiarisation routine.

here is a rain white-out to make things even more fun:

kids love cars. and colours. so kids love a line of cars all the same colour. at least mine did.

kezia's dolls changed names again. tiny baby is now called olivia.

anyone with little kids knows that sometimes you need a 'code name' for familiar items so you can talk about it without the child knowing. we used to call Esther's comfort blanket Bernard so she wouldn't realise.

Olivia, aka Tiny Baby, is called TB which meant for comedy moments shouting "have you got TB ?" "no, you have" "no i haven't seen her since we took Kezia for a Preecy Egg" etc.

there's much i could say about motorway service stations, but i shall spare you. this one is called Roadchef which conjures up images of a line of chefs cooking roadkill (well it did in my mind)

and look at it inside with it's wifi capabilities and airport waiting lounge style comforts. things never used to be like this.

scotland is a long way from the south of england, especially if you go by car and have two little kids with you. our 7 hour journey stretched to 11 hours and we had many a happy toilet stop.

i was allowed to take a few shots on the way when i wasn't driving. here's one that jane took of the motorway split just before birmingham. it's got a jaunty jiggle hasn't it ?

in the UK there are two main domestic financial institutions where you can stash your cash - banks and building societies. there is a difference, but i don't know what it is !

anyroadupdown, banks used to be the kings when it came to extracting your cash and they had the whole hole-in-the-wall thing sewn up (if you see what i mean).

but the building societies got themselves together with their LINK network and soon they were allowing other building society card holders to use each other's machines.

the latest 'craze' is cash back in supermarkets which are neutral on the whole bank vs building society debate (as far as i'm aware).

but there's another force going on. it's portable branded cash machines. they've appears in 24x7 grocery shops and here are a load in a motorway service station. note the branded bin in the middle. probably for making deposits.

these machines seem to run off a mains socket and a normal telephone line. i may get one set up at home. be ideal for if i realise i've run out of cash in the morning before heading off to work.

holidays are good, but it's nice to come home too. especially when the weather is loads drier and warmer than on holiday !

but i have so much to share (700 photos - i'll try and narrow them down). i'll do it a week in arrears over the next 7 days starting tomorrow.

back in real-time for a moment, here are two 'finds' near our house upon our return. a comb and a snapped plastic spoon.

update: now i've looked at how much photos of quality items i've taken i think i may spread it over the next few weeks !

london's south bank is a bizarre concrete monstrocity. no bad thing of course. and it does mean you get some nice contrasting images.

not everything in life is black and white. but some things are.

this man was standing on a first floor window tied on with a rope. i didn't think he looked very safe.

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

old meets new. but there's only one way to go. and that's towards the old.

misleading advertising or can you really get a poster printed as large as infinity ? how do they charge for such a thing ? and how do they deliver it ? and where would you put it ? everywhere ?

the person on this slippery sign is sitting down. we know this as their back hand is pointing backwards. if they aren't sitting down then i fear for that wrist.

also, why the fish ?

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

after my lucky £5 find yesterday i was quite excited about the prospect of this being a £20. but it was just some advertising. so i put it in the bin.

locals least welcome

a piece of office history

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

the controls of a MADVAC PS300. what a beauty !

click for big

rat on a bridge

more bollards protesting for their rights

lots of small coloured sugary things

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

walking down a street i looked up and saw this barbed wire circle. viciously beautiful

spotted on a lamp post in cambridge when i went a while back

is this chap the same as this chap ? Perhaps after he slipped over and broke his arm off ?

here is a nice little building in the middle of Soho Square. here's a panarorama for me to spell and you to enjoy.

it's been a long time since i've seen this little fella. but here he is again.

he stil hasn't cheered up. poor little chap

boots in the mud on the bank of the thames

dozens of cable ties as used to tie notices to the lamp post.

since there are no more adverts left, perhaps this could be described as post-post-advertising perhaps ?

look at this deliberate walking motion. he's going to do himself a mischief if he's not careful.

(from Dan who may wish to comment on his photo in the comments)

it's not easy for bollards. they spend almost all their life outside for little or no pay. for some this is simply too much and i noticed these two bollards have taken direct action and tied themselves to some posts.

but they have been foolish as the posts don't have signs at the top so the police can simply lift them over the top to free them, and thus end their protest.

bollards can be quite useful, but they are generally not very bright.

an empty gallery with a bottle a mineral water in a spot light. nice.

i re-watched Tommy recently. it's a bonkers film as we all know with moments of unpleasantness. but generally it's a visual and sonic treat.

you HAVE to watch it in the 5:1 "Quintaphonic" surround mix. the music is mixed all over the place rather than the usual 'cars zooming past behind your head' type surround sound. this is how they originally showed it in cinemas. totally incredible.

How can a film about a deaf dumb blind kid be so fantastic, both visually and sonically, that you want to talk about it ?

holiday weather forecast: high chance of rainbows from sunday onwards.

yeah, two weeks off work (if i ever get through today). so i've set the blog up to run without me for a few days and we can catch up again next weekend.

so, if you stick to the main index page you'll get new content every day. what a treat.

if you are an rdf-feeder (don't ask if you don't know) then you'll possibly get nothing for a while. i'll try and keep an eye on comment spam.

these guys appeared to be making a film about how to be run over.

just look at this chap ! incredible. click for big version

a metal stick with a slight blue glow from an adjacent light.

just how more exciting can this blog get !

our trolley of last week has found a friend. i'm not sure if she's actually out of his league as she's made of gold and he's made of stainless steel. love across the classes may be doomed to failure ?

they seem quite in love on this photo don't they. brazenly snogging in the street for all to see (there was a couple on my train this morning doing a similar thing).

we shall have to watch to see how this story develops.

i've seen this piece of plastic on the way to work every morning. one morning i stopped and inspected it. it's a hospital identification tag for an 80 year old lady (it had her name and date of birth). i've no idea if she's still alive, but whoever it was has obviously had a stay in hospital.

her plastic identification bracelet is now being dragged in to the undergrowth by the trees where it lies.

in the morning it makes me think about the fragility and ultimately temporary nature of life. all this whilst rushing for my early morning train.

here is a very satisfying find from this evening. it's the best type of photo to find - a passport photo.

but better than that was the way i found it ...

i arrived at London Bridge tube station and realised i needed the loo. i finally found the toilets when i eventually found the signs but it was closed and said i needed to go to platform 6 to find the gents. but i needed a ticket to get to the dunny, but a lady let me through the barrier. after i'd visited the john i walked back down platform 6 and this lady was on the floor in front of me.

if i hadn't needed the bog i wouldn't have found the photo. simple as that.

i love finding photos when i've made some random diversion. it makes me feel i've been diverted to them !

the world of telecom regulation is a funny old thing. there's not many of us. here are two people who do similar jobs for other companies. it's colin and nancy. nancy is the fincy of matt the webserver landlord. see how it all fits together ?

one day i'll draw you a big family tree type thing and you'll understand everything. but for now, why don't you start your own funkypancake family tree and we can compare the results ?

juvenile ? yes. but it did make me chuckle when i saw it on a train full of unimpressed commuters.

we had this one before but i failed to comment on the claw. very scarey.

my meetings finished quite late last night so i walked down the South Bank towards a convenient tube station. on the way there were various street entertainments, including this band. London nearly manages to be quite european at time.

finally the Starbucks next to Ofcom, the telecoms regulator where i spend lots of my week, has got wifi ! So, at last i can access my emails when i have 'trapped time' between meetings.

they have nice cakes and funky music too. i can see myself spending a lot of time in here ...

i've told of my annoyance over mobile phone using cyclists and their random veerage in to pedestrians. here is a variation on the same theme. it's a chap carrying an umbrella being blown about whilst cycling down a pedestrian walk way.

a normally busy view:

it's drizzling this morning and i'm over the other side of town for meetings throughout today. i decided to shelter in a sculpture at one very wet bit. here was my view:

the roof in Smithfield Market is amazing. it's practical beauty is a contrast to the slabs of meat being dragged around beneath it.

to be honest London wall has seen much better days. since the city stopped being walled-in it's been left to fester and there's only a few places where you can see it around the town.

i was therefore very pleased to see they might be rebuilding it. anti-terrorism and all that i imagine.

it's the daddy of the bollards. a real beauty. but why has it got its 'no entry' sign on the wrong side ?

this is a hearty sign usually associated with major road excavations. today it denoted a small amount of mud on the street.

still, better safe than sorry.

street fishing is all the rage. there's an ugly side involving dragnet fishing which involves scooping up entire streets.

more traditional is the street lobster pot. this one has caught a chocolate bar over night.

you don't get this kind of thing on the web. i might spell stuff wrong and have rubbish grammar but at least my words don't slide off the page like they did in last night's Evening Standard

it's been a while since we've had any Christian letter closes on the blog, so here is a fresh one. you can use this for the next 8 months until i give you a new one. ready ? here goes:

Until His appearing

it's our old friend again. this time doing a runner whilst being chased by wires.

there's a big anti DVD piracy thing going on in the UK at the moment. here is the campaign on the street. it's teeny weeny bill boards on the back of sit down bikes.

here is walter attacking himself with some wires.

there were jumpers and coats all over henley this evening. here is one example.

for esther's final birthday treat we went to a restaurant in henley which was very nice.

i was particularly interested in their henley 10 commandments:

what a simply brilliant idea. a handle !

it was communion this morning which meant bread and wine for all. esther and kezia opted for a post-service bag of quavers, prefering their cheesy crispness to the sliced white communion fair. the chap behind them is Ian. he's actually tidying up, but looks more like a child catcher in this photo !

we've been studying Samson at church for the last three Sundays. Even if you'd never dream of going to church, i highly recommend you read Judges 13-15 to read this story of sex, violent and nagging wives/girlfriends. (Don't forget it's old testament so stuff like forgiveness and loving your enemies aren't high on the agenda.)

cake built by jane:

and extinguished by esther:

many party games involve music. and the choice of music is very important at a party. we got the party going with Lou Reed's Transformer. once the masses arrived i upped the funk with Supa Funky Vol 1

for the games we had a Boney M compilation. the kids loved it. and so did we.

pin the tail on the donkey is a classic game. this year we decided against hammer and nails, and used blu-tack to stick the tail on. esther managed to stick the tail on our coat rack rather than the donkey, which was quite impressive as it's on a different wall.

our friends tony and tanya helped at the party along with jane's mum so there was a good ratio of kids to growned-ups. tony agreed to be the official moving images archivist. i remained still-image archivist and as far as possible maintained artistic control over the proceedings.

tony wasn't that bothered about our furniture as can be seen here (he's standing on the arm of a chair). it turned out he wasn't too bothered about the carpet either as later he chucked a cup of tea on it.

we've yet to see if his footage was any good so i don't know whether to thank him yet or not.

UPDATE: we watched it and it was quite amazing. especially the top of the pops 360 degrees rotation bits during the musical games.

cake decorating was another activity at the party which everyone enjoyed. some of the designs were amazing:

(click cakes for bigger version)

esther is now at the age where the game twister is of interest. so is tony. he played it lots, even on his own with me doing the spinning.

i wasn't particulary comfortable with this arrangement. and neither was he. especially when his daughter jumped on his back.

(notice kezia going against the tide on the picture on the right. she's wearing a red t-shirt and shorts)

t-shirt painting was a party activity, supervised by jane's mum.

honor went for it with bright colours:

catherine decided on an elephant print which she named Cat:

After painting they were hung up and left to dry in our garage:

part of the party fun was searching for monsters. they were hidden all over the place. this one looked particularly good.

just popped up to get something for the party and it's so much quieter up here than down stairs ! lots of pictures coming soon ...

one hour and counting. the food is all nicely prepared and wrapped ...

esther had a party this morning for 2 hours so i took kezia to the cafe at a nearby ice rink. kezia was most impressed, so maybe next time we'll actually go on the ice.

it's esther's birthday party today so jane's been busy doing everything. i've helped by keeping myself and the girls out of the way.

after breakfast we had face painting practice. kezia went for the rabbit look.

those who know i rushed out of work early to get home for the birthday cake singing and blowing will be disappointed to know that i missed it (and so was i).

it's esther's party day tomorrow so hopefully i'll get another chance then.

it's been a great day for free alcohol. first there were cocktails in tesco and then free baileys at paddington station.

they've been giving away free baileys at paddington since wednesday evening. it's another part of the government's alcohol for commuters scheme i think

the revamped tesco's next to my office has obviously spent its advertising money on alcohol and giving free cocktails to shoppers. i went shopping with John as a kind of social lunchtime event.

it's quite big and quite strong (tescos) and lots of people are merrily wandering around grinning whilst shopping.

one woman in the next aisle was busy shouting "criSPS, criSPS, ooh, doesn't the SPS bit of criSPS sound funny, criSPS, criSPS".

the local street alcoholics were enjoying it too, although you could tell they would rather drink straight from the bottle instead of these nice dainty cocktail glasses. the serving staff were less impressed by their drinking enthusiasm.

all of these things are out of stock

here is jim in a bow tie. when i started working here i used to sit next to jim, but now he's in a different building. it's nice to see him over here and i thought you'd like to see him too.

i spotted this little gold coin just along from where i found the jewel . it looks like a little roman coin. perhaps the wet weather washed it up from some underground long lost Roman settlement below the streets of london.

no bolts, but loads of nuts.

it's esther's birthday this morning. she was very excited and got up an hour early by mistake.

when she saw me going down stairs to get ready for work she wispered very loudly "daddy, please don't open my presents". i assured her i wouldn't. and i didn't.

i love kids drawings. here is some esther art work.

i got up early to arrive in Cambridge an hour before my meeting today so i could have a mooch about. it's a very nice place.

i got thrown out of King's twice as it wasn't open (i didn't realise - twice)

king's church with some nice music coming from it (but you can't hear it on this picture):

some other college that was open, but i found it too late to fit in a visit before my meeting:

another sit on the floor slippery floor sign (like this one)

here is the same sign in written form:

street signs can be a good indicator of the life of a street. here are some signs from Brick Lane:

new-media entertainment sticker crazy

multinational

industrial

cultural (spitalfield market in the background)

informal

residential

corporate

non-english

paddington station slippery floor screen anouncement informs us that due to the inclement weather surfaces may be slippy.

here are some actual pictures taken by matt, the funkypancake web-landlord.

it shows the real reason why people packed in to London last night. i can't believe i missed seeing such a spectacle myself.

at work i have a powerpoint presentation consisting of a variety of streetcleaners i use to demonstrate the evolution of Internet access speeds. i suspect these photo might appear in that presentation (if matt allows me!)

great view, but a bit drafty

they had run out of davids when i got there. or perhaps it was just a statement.

walking down a residential street i spotted this rather nice gnome tableau. very attractive i'm sure you'll agree.

no reason for this photo.

i thought this house looked good. it's built in to the underneath of a bridge. it's now slightly battered but i think that gives it even more character.

this is victorian barbed wire to stop people climbing over walls in to a house's backgarden. vicious but very pretty.

i was on a course yesterday quite near to paddington station so i was able to get a train an hour and half later than normal. it's amazing what a difference it makes to the quality of the customers.

my normal train only contains hardened commuters - those who want to be at work early, and often work late too (i see many of the same faces if i get one of the later trains home). Everyone looks well worn out and haggared, and hardly anyone talks.

the ratio of men to women is probably around 7:3. this became apparent when one morning we arranged a snog lottery for the passengers.

the later train i got yesterday contained happy smiley, very nicely dressed people who were chatting away. the ratio of men to women was probably 4:6 (but i didn't do a proper poll). When we got to paddington people sprung off their seats and jollied off to their places of employment.

i think i have a late train attitude stuck in an early train body.

update: i looked at the ratio on the earlier train this morning and it's about 1 female to 20 males. see how the memory distorts these things !

look how leftie is protecting rightie. lovely.

this seems to be a slightly younger version of this chap His jacket and trousers are much too large for him. great winkle pickers though.

my meeting/reception thing in whitehall finished around 8.30pm. as i came out i noticed the amazing summer evening sun shining on the houses of commons. i spent the next half an hour wandering round taking pictures of this amazing thing. hope you like.

i walked through trafalgar square last night and saw these chaps cleaning a glass stage. there are some seats underneath the stage so i suspect it's a special underneath performance dance thing.

it looked very good (from my angle) but i had to make haste to reach my destination so couldn't linger.

i really will get round to updating davescollections soon. i was thinking about this today and how i hadn't found a photo for a few weeks. and there on park lane was this little chap waiting for me.

park lane has treated me well for photos over the years.

might be a glove. or a sock. dunno. i should have gone and picked it up, but i didn't fancy it. so i didn't.

i'm trying to remember. is this what all bollards used to look like ? massive, heavy solid plastic triangles ? perhaps someone can help me here ?

this is a bit mysterious. it's a green bollard with a red one hiding inside (see it poke out of the top). and look how the sign below declares itself.

truely a breathtaking

i've seen this sign many times, in fact i may even have posted it more than once. but this is the first time i've seen it coincided with the Anything Goes sign above.

it's a little known fact that the congestion charge only applies to vehicles which have the driver below 10 metres from the ground. if it's above 10 metres then you are clased as an aircraft and are exempt.

this has lead to the creation of all sorts of strange vehicles, including an attempt by London Transport to relocate their drivers upstairs in double decker buses (they abandoned this idea when they realised that they are exempt from the congestion charge anyway).

here is one such example. the driver sits in the bucket dangling on the chain on the end of the arms.

the tescos next to my office has been under construction for about a year and now it's finally opened. hoorah.

so, having spent millions on refurbishing it, how did they celebrate the opening ? by hanging some balloons up and making a chap walk about with some cardboard on.

i'm giving a talk at a conference in september and they've asked for a head and shoulders picture to accompany my written paper. so i stood by the window as john the telecoms engineer took my photo.

it was hard to strike a balance between total fool and utter nutter. but i think i managed it.

it took me ages to put all that masking tape across the window.

and here is one i took of me looking more jovial:

apologies for this unnecessary me-ness. it doesn't happen very often (thankfully)

i walked past the shop where the owner kindly let me shelter last friday. it's called Nicola Donati and it was Nicola himself who i met.

if his fine tailoring is as good as his kindess to wet strangers then i'd highly recommend him. visit his website

overcome with grief they throw themselves on to the burial mound

we found a magic shrinking machine so esther could play jenga more competitively.

here is our friend lynda. she had a birthday party to celebrate her significance. she occasionally contributes fine items for this site and i was delighted to learn she's got a new digital camera so we may be seeing more things like this.

i was also delighted to see she had a bollard slung between two sheds in her garden. there was a story behind it which was very good but i won't tell you what it is. it'll spoil the surprise if i tell you so you should ask her yourself.

having a party ? spitting with rain ? simply send the kids out and make them sit under a gazebo. parents can stay inside the in dry and everyone's happy.

and then when it drys up then can all sit in a row and eat their puddings:

it's been a day of fun today. we went to esther's school's summer fayre this afternoon and this evening we went to a BBQ at our friends' house in the next village

in classic british fashion it was too cold to stand outside (we did try for 30 mins before admitting defeat) and eventually the only person outside was Steve, our host, who was doing the cooking. a most excellent evening.

tony babysitted this evening and was able to use the wifi successfully thanks to this morning's fiddling. we may have to adjust the hourly babysitting rate to take account of the added Internet access facilties available.

kezia has three babies. tiny baby, mummy baby and daddy baby. mummy baby used to be known as baby poo for those who are keeping track. if you haven't been keeping track then follow the baby poo story back through time.

here is tiny baby with a drink on its head. kezia thought it was really funny so we had to take a photo.

esther and i spent ages taking pictures of balloons this morning. i think this is one of her pictures.

it's time to return my trophy ready for this year's competition. but first it needed to be polished.

polishing metal is very satisfying (especially if you get your children to do it)

before:

during:

after:

here is tony trying out wifi things in our house.

this girl seems very pleased with herself. very mysterious.

on the way back to the station last night there were some incredible sudden rain showers. i sheltered under this shop canopy.

As if by magic, the shop keeper appeared and invited me to shelter in his shop. it was a really nice tailors shop and the owner was a very nice chap. it was obviously i was't going to buy anything (my trousers are beyond repair) so it was simply a matter of kindness !

hoorah for such things. (if i remember what his shop is called i'll let you know)

update: the shop is Nicola Donati. i took a photo of the shop on a dry morning here

no parking in mayfair.

these shops are just fantastic. just like stingy nettles and dock leaves, they are next to each other and have adapted to deal with competition nicely.

i especially liked the suspicious shop keeper who popped out in front of the shop for a cigarette. he had slicked back balding hair and dark glasses.

i went for a post-meeting meeting this afternoon and as i left the establishment i saw this bollard blocking the way. it was slightly disconcerting.

i love the word ramp. it's a good 'un and no mistake.

i think more roads should be replaced by ramps. life would become more dimensional with cars flying overhead Dukes of Hazard stylee.

this is my favourite dry cleaners. it's appeared many times before.

but today i noticed this rather subtle sign which is quite amusing. click and read to enjoy it to the max.

they've also set up a little paper chase round the outside of their building so you can find the door. i appear in this photo. can you see me ?

click for biggerity

they've used the old 'reverse colour' trick on the arrow. works quite well i think.

i often see this cat in this doorway, but usually there is a bloke sitting at a table behind the window so i don't take a photo ! but today he wasn't there (as you can (or can't) see)

is this a bollard grave yard ? it's just a pile of dirt, but you never know. burial in the road would be a bit like burial at sea from a bollards perspective. It would be a very dignified exit.

update here

lots of interconnected aluminium sticks leaning against iron railings. more wannabes i recon

i'm working from home today (8am start instead of 4am as i've got a stinking cold and feel like poo), so i was delighted when john sent me these photos of boots in the street outside my office.

it looks like he took these photos from my desk.

looking at the photo, i wonder if it's a setup by that bollard on the top left hand corner. he looks ready to pounce if anyone approaches them.

on tube strike days people try all sorts of ways of getting to work. here someone has tried using a life bouy ring thing.

usually these rings are kept locked in little cupboards and only come out in emergencies, but this one was out and about.

we've not had a street cleaner for a while so here is one in the shade on the South Bank

here is a van delivering cryogenic gas to a theatre. i was struck by the sign on the side of the van which suggests you might like to use cryogenic gas for leisure.

i think that would be a great conversation starter at parties.

do you have any hobbies ?
yes. cryogencs.

i walked past the white wall man again yesterday. he was just about to paint the window i think.

i spoke to him and told him he looked great with his white overalls and white wall and yellow ladder. he seemed very pleased.