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June 2003 Archives
bras
i saw this sign on the boat from saint malo.
bras ! i think the idea is that you abandon your bra if you are leaving the UK so you can be a true european (they also had some stick on arm pit hair)
Now, i'm not stupid. i can read a bit of french. and i know that enfants means babies. and everyone knows that kids don't wear bras.
so i recon you can also leave your kids in this locker if you want.
viewable toilets
another exposed french toilet
nice touch this time - has a mens' sign on the side just in case you were confused:
danger in st malo
danger if you walk
danger if you drive
guilty as charged
a very suspicious looking character
mind the gap
avoid all dubious lacunae
dog signs
i have been taking pictures of dogs on signs for the last week to add to my blog in a new category called Signs (of dogs)
(i have a number pending publication - there is only so much you can do with a french keyboard in an Internet cafe with the euro-meter running).
incredibly, it seems that grahame is also collecting similar pictures for his blog. looky here now
i find it interesting that dog signs are so unique. a dog is a dog right ? where are the european sign conventions ?
i don't like dogs, but i do like signs about dogs.
found photos
a colleague of mine found these photos and an intriguing letter in her loft. the photos were found in opposite loft spaces and the letter was attached to one of them.
they are not added to main collection as they weren't really found in public. they have instead been returned to the loft space where they will lie in darkness. the loft becomes a fossil to the previous inhabitants.
when she moves out of the house she has promised to add her own photo to the pile to keep the tradition rolling.
poo practice
here is a picture of a dog on a sign.
is the dog attempting to poo on the red cross ?
has it failed twice and hopes for a winning third poo ?
why is the cross steaming ?
i like the word 'poo'
is that a wooden tie ?
i have been asked several times today if the tie I am wearing is made out of wood. The answer is yes. i bought it for 5 euros. It's elasticated so you don't have to tie a piece of wood in a knot.
not that knots don't appear in wood. not that sort anyway.
my only concern is it'll get woodworm and drop off.
for info on where to buy your tie go here
back in blighty
a 2 hour journey to work in the drizzling rain this morning. welcome back to real life.
i've been putting my new found tourist skills to work though. i've been reading out road names loudly in silly accents and taking photos of everything. (actually i used to do this anyway)
patient ambulance service
i saw this van waiting patiently on the street corner
it's nice they have ambulances for patients these days. or maybe we have now moved to a two tier system where the doctors travel in seperate vehicles. since this whole Sars thing, doctors haven't wanted to get too close to ill people.
embrace illness i say.
new glasses
ooh the trouble we had when jane lost her old sunglasses. luckily retail therapy made all good again
colour coded tourists
tourists in st malo.
girls have pink hats, boys have blue hats
saves trouble later on when people have had too much to drink
however the mystery continued and was finally revealed :
time to leave the campsite
it's our last day ont he campsite today. off to another for one night tomorrow then a day on the boat on sunday.
times have been a changing on the campsite recently. the fm radio brigade have moved in with their loud music and angst ridden teenagers are lingering.
we must move on before the adolescents move in.
jane digs for kezia
yesterdays game was bury kezia in the sand. first dig a hole. then kezzy jumps in and pulls loads of sand on to herself shouting 'pat pat pat' whilst patting the sand down. we dug her out before going home
esther mad hat
in order to raise esther's hat above eye level we made her wear bunches. she looked silly. but silly is good.
instructions in a castle
like window shopping, only trespassing. possibly
cryptic instructions
i saw the sign and had to wonder. not clear if we had to prance in the water, on the water or just on the way
the internet
turns out the internet is a car.
windmill
scarey french man windmiller. absolutely no sense of humour. dreadful for kids. looked good though and i enjoyed it.
postcards
i have a lot to say about postcards. i shall save it for another time (with an english keyboard)
the dutch
i recon all the dutch people at our campsite are on a british theme holiday set somewhere nice. it wouldn't surprise me if they had all been watching reruns of Eldorado.
jane naked !
jane getting changed on the beach ...
holiday fun
holiday games this holiday are putting on other people's shoes and wearing other people's sun glasses. kezzy made up these games and is best at playing them.
i was on holiday
just in case people didn' believe i'm actually here. so is esther
bloke toilets
the french love to see other people urinating. especially men.
flooded road
only passable at low tide. we were 45 mins early
the ants
recently fortified by kezia's droppings, an army of ants has invaded our caravan. They enter under our bed and walk under (sometimes over) the bed to reach the living room.
we were given a small trap:
i couldn' sleep for the sound of the little springs snapping shut on the little ant bodies ... worth it though
a walk in the park
cycling in a forest wasn,t exactly a walk in the park. though just as nice (depending on the park i guess)
eating alfresco
mostly we eat alfresco which i thought meant everything covered in special source. but it doesn,t . instead it means kezia can throw food on the floor and not worry about tidying up. we are keeping a colony of ants alive. which is nice.
savage planet
mad safari park where people kept their windows open and let their fat kids dangle in to animal mouths
best of british
the best comedy british abroad campers were a bright red sunburnt couple walking through the campsite at 10am. he had a bottle of red wine and a baggette. she had a copy of the daily mail.
disco divas
campsite kids disco - parents made to do the lambada etc. total quality or your money back. we were quids in.
back on the beach
kezia does her beach dj thang
whilst esther gets seaweed from her hair
rape of the sea
at least they know cod fishing is bad
les sables d'olone
my middle name is les(lie)
fish soap
a nice restaurant serving fish soap
at the campsite
arrived and canpsite full of english people
three types:
1) old people
2) parents with pre-schools children
3) parents with older children who are either skiving or have been expelled (latter more likely).
whoole thing reminiscent of butlins
view from the boat
the boat trip took 11 hours. not sure why. but in the morning i saw this which was nice
france is
very hot. no photos as computers don,t recognise my memory stick reader. coming soon hopefully.
handrier
this handdrier on the ferry was guanteed hygenique et economique for 5 years. after that all bets are off.
on the boat
leaving for the uk
in the hold
i could never be a sailor for a number of reasons. fear of drowning even in calm sea being the main one
take a kitkat
sometimes you just have to say enough is enough. of course 'enough' is only realised after you've had too much and by then you can't back up.
so there you go.
rawl plugs
see the picture. BT tower in the background. they fastened the tower to the ground by screwing it in to a giant hole.
see the foreground. they are doing the same again. a giant drill bit prepares the hole. a giant rawl plug is added. they then bring the building and simply screw it in. Probably with an automatic screw driver type thing.
if you've ever seen the very top of BT tower you will see they opted for a Philips style crosshead rather than a straight slotted. you can learn about screwing here
hide and seek
they've hidden the BBC. Or maybe they have wrapped it in a terrorist proof wrapper.
clock coincidence
how weird is this. i bought a clock (the old one in the picture). i took it for a walk through central london. i didn't have a bag so i carried it in my hand.
i turned a corner and there was a man with a clock in his hand ! A similar model, only newer. he was filming a feature on coffee for the Discovery Channel. It's a pity the program wasn't about bizarre coincidences !
the weirdness of space
got home. people everywhere. hid. too busy. too awake. too tired. need holiday.
massive map of london bus routes
fantastic map of london bus routes. excellent in A3. fantastic if you are planning on walking across london as you can see how it's all laid out. hoorah.
words alike
sign and sing contain the same letters yet are different words. the same applies to fires and fries.
try and use alternative words today and see what happens
surely there are higher forces at work around here
shirley their hair fire farces hat worse abound there
a celebrity morning
as you can see below I nearly saw Kylie and did see nigel havers. I also saw that bloke off scrap heap challenge who gets excited about old pieces of metal. he was at paddington station waiting for a train. didn't get a photo. sorry about that
nigel havers
after not seeing kylie i did see nigel havers:
he posed nicely
here he is big
nigel with a scarey man
waiting for kylie
she was due to arrive at 10am. I was there 9.50am on the way to a meeting. So i didn't see her.
She's the new face of BA. face my arse.
so i never got to see the pint sized aussie
other people were making the most of the giant sand pit though
entertaining no-one
this juggler was not disheartened
the enemy
streetcleaners are the enemy of rubbish collectors like myself.
somehow their vehicle still looks elegant
dangling window cleaners
could have been a daring SAS raid. It wasn't. just window cleaners
billiards my friend
i was looking for Broadband Wireless Access and got hte WorldCup Billiards Association
Welcome to the BWA Website
wikiworld
beyond blogs ...
WikiWorld - www.wikiworld.com - Home Page
mistaken identity
i cycled down to my local chemist to pick up some drugs. i haven't been on a bike for at least 2 years so it was very exciting.
I asked for my prescription in the pharmacy and confirmed my name. whilst they nipped out back to find it, an elderly gentlement with a neck brace and no teeth said, in a very gummy way, "you have the same surname as me". he had just asked for his prescription too.
i could see some comedy mix up was possible. luckily for me (and unluckily for you the reader) the inevitable mix up did not occure and was therefore not inevitable after all.
and this whole story is a bit boring. sorry.
old planes
the local scouts had a village fete today and got some old planes to fly by. maybe if they earnt some more money bob-a-jobbing they could afford to get some new planes to fly by.
maybe if they looked in to the sky more instead of doing good deeds they would see that there is always numerous commercial jets flying over throughout the day thanks to our proximity to Heathrow airport.
the last thing we need are more planes (or more scouts)
windsor park cycle ride
esther managed to cycle 4.5 miles round windsor park lake today. whilst tethered to a bundy and skipping rope, she did pedal most of the way herself.
my camera ran out of batteries so unfortunately i couldn't take any pictures of the fantastic scenary which was looking really good today.
techno dumping
the landfills are full so we're piling old computer junmk in the street
this was a pile next to BT Tower in central london
refine your filage system
filage is a combination of filing and silage - it occures when you get filing overload and your paper turns in to a festering pile
spice up your filage by storing paper in random locations (other non related files, in plant pots, under you shirt etc).
When you next go searching for a fileyou will not find it, but you will find a load of other stuff. this other stuff will stimulate your mind and provide a creative input towards solving.
Expand this system to all non-perishable items and non-family members
crow bars
crow bars aren't shapped like crows or used for lifting crows as far as i know. if you are going to pick on a bird then i recommend the bird that everyone loves to hate. the flying rat aka the pigeon.
Mr Denis Norden
Denis Norden, round the corner from my office. he's often mooching about.
this morning was quite sunny so there is lots of reflection in the window giving him a ghost like appearance. and if he were a ghost he wouldn't be buying sandwiches. unless he was just reminiscing about eating.
best of all - whilst researching Denis for the link above I came across Bill Hanson who does a Denis Nordan tribute show ! It was the real one i saw this morning.
This whole entertainment site is fantastic
oh dear (translated)
Following serious technical problems, the essence of these files were lost.
This page alas forms part of those which were unobtrusive.
Please accept my excuses for this nuisance quite independent of my will.
work backwards
"work backwards" today
interpret this how you will:
you may physically sit looking in the wrong direction in meetings
you may wish to type occasional words backwards in reports and letters
you may wish to unconclude previously concluded conclusions
now is your chance. live the dream
boot
one boot is better than none, but not as good as two. there is a natural order. maybe i should take pictures of 'no boots' whenever i don't see any anywhere. could be a rather large collection of pictures.
i shall ponder this further before committing to such an immense task
seasonal travel
God's travel advice: Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on the Sabbath
glove
i saw gerry haliwell in the passenger seat of a car. i looked away to hide my eyes and there on the floor was this glove
jogsaw
Jogsaw, the jigsaw for joggers. beat the boredom, do a jigsaw whilst running.
tests have shown that running for just 15 minutes places the mind in to an alpha state perfectly tuned for the completition of jigsaw puzzles.
don't waste that thought - do a jogsaw
(carry case available at extra cost)
the whole picture
a very elementary jigsaw
found magazine
Found Magazine:
like www.davescollections.com but american and called Found Magazine
vanilla coke
tastes like pink penicilin you used to get as a kid. in my opinion
trouser update
the trousers, they have fallen down:
inconvenience
apologies for any loss of viewing earlier this evening. the server threw a wobbler. or something
hot water bottle
found (n/r)esting on the steps of Camden Town Tube Station
topless table dancing
(not actually dancing)
trousers
dirty knees
london transports
as you know, traffic wise, London is gridlocked and totally hopeless.
Wrong. Thanks to Ken's fantastic Congestion Charge, people are turning to other methods of transport.
Here are a few more examples shown together in this terrif photo. How many can you spot ?
Answer: Horses in convoy, motorbike, push bike, walking and lastly, bin lorry.
Who knows there may also be some underground lines running under this street
more parties
more parties for esther today. this one was a gym party where all the kids could keep fit and jump up and down on trampolenes whilst eating cake.